I am way too young for this conversation with my daughter.

[rivka]

Alex and I were talking about growing up. She plans to grow as big as Sarah who dyed her hair blue (this is the teen we chaperoned at SUUSI), and then stop growing. She was asking how big I am, and how big her father is. Then I asked,

Me: Do you think you'll have a baby grow inside you someday, when you grow up?
Alex: No, I don't want a baby.
Me: You know, that's totally up to you. You don't need to have a baby if you don't really want one.
Alex: But someone might give me a baby. A boy might send some sperm into my uterus.
Me: (utterly dying): Only if you say it's okay. If you don't want a baby, you can say no.
Alex: What if someone wants to, and I don't?
Me: Then you say, 'No. I don't want to.'
Alex: Oh. Okay.

Oh. My. God. I know she doesn't... she doesn't know what she's implying. She really doesn't. But oh my God.

Comments

[kightp.livejournal.com]

She doesn't need to know what she's implying. She just needs to know that she gets to be the one who decides who has access to her body. Sounds like you've got that part covered.

[lizzibabe.livejournal.com]

[points to KightP]. You answered exactly what she asked, no more no less. anything more would have been confusing. You are both fantastic! I stand in awe.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

She came home from school one day a couple of weeks ago and told us that no one was allowed to touch her without permission. I think they learned this in the context of "how to treat your friends and classmates," not in the "stranger danger" context.

That's a real gut-check moment for a parent. On the one hand, yes, absolutely. On the other hand, I reserve the right to pick her up bodily and move her away from something she shouldn't be doing. I reserve the right to wash her hair. Et cetera. So, um, it's not so absolute after all.

We wound up telling her that Mom and Dad could touch her without permission because we are her parents, but no one else is allowed to touch without permission and no one at all is allowed to hurt her. In another few years, I will agree that even her parents shouldn't touch her without permission... but not when she's three.