(no subject)

[rivka]

Yes, Alex is definitely anxious about the Niblet's birth.

We made arrangements for her to go home with a classmate if I happen to go into labor when Dorian is teaching her after-school art class. She and the classmate like each other and discussed this plan with perfect happiness. But yesterday in the car on the way home from school she went into an anxiety spiral:

Alex: What if Isabelle says I can't come over and Dorian is teaching her special class and you start having squeezy feelings?
Me: I don't think Isabelle would say you can't come over.
Alex: I want to go to Riva's house instead.
Me: Well, we already made the plan with Isabelle's mom. But let's see if we can figure out a time that you and Riva can get together and play.
Alex: Riva isn't so nice.
Me: Then why do you want to go to her house?
Alex: (very upset) I don't know who to choose!
Me: You don't have to choose anybody. Dad and I already made the choice, and you're going to go to Isabelle's house.
Alex: No! I want to go to Adrienne's house.
Me: We don't even know where Adrienne lives. You have to go to the house of someone who lives near school, so you can walk there.
Alex: I want to go to Denmark's house.
Me: I didn't know you liked to play with Denmark.
Alex: Denmark isn't so nice.
Me: Who are the nice kids?
Alex: Allie and Nick and Adrienne and Isabelle.
Me: Isabelle is nice! Good. So you'll go to Isabelle's house.
Alex: No! I don't know who to choose! What if Isabelle says I can't go to her house?
Me: Isabelle and her mom already said you can go to her house. But we can think about Riva as a back-up plan.
Alex: What's a back-up plan?
Me: A back-up plan is what you do if your first plan doesn't work out. We have lots of back-up plans for when I start to have squeezy feelings, so we'll make sure that there will always be someone you know to take care of you.

Poor kid. I know how she feels - it is weird to know that labor could hit at any time, and that we don't know what will happen next. Honestly, I don't think there's a fix for this other than birth.

Comments

[zeldajean.livejournal.com]

:(

At least you're sure now that that's what it is, which means there will (in al likelihood) be an end to it. I'm sure it feels like a long road for all involved. It almost sounds like perhaps she wants to have control over something? Perhaps selecting something she can give to the baby when he comes? A receiving blanket maybe? It's small, lightweight, and easy to carry. It could be easily added to her backpack so that in case you go into labor while she's at school, she would still have it for when she gets to meet her brother. A good backup plan would be to have two identical ones, and pack one with your bag to go to the hospital with, so that if she forgets hers, you guys will have brought it for her. That's an event relating to the birth that she can have some control over (having the blanket to give to the baby) and it might help. Then again, it might create another point of anxiety of "What if I forget the blanket?!" so this might be a coin toss.

As always, this unsolicited advice is worth exactly what you've paid for it :)

Warm thoughts for all of you - you've been on my mind a lot lately.

[ailbhe]

Linnea coloured in a Thing (a cardboard space-going vehicle on plastic wheels, sometimes it's best not to probe too deeply) and we put it in Emer's bassinet - and just this week Emer played with it herself.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

Poor kid. She's so engaged and aware, and usually that's a good thing. But not so much right now.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

You might tell her that the first time (when it was her turn to be born) was not like this time, and that you didn't know what to expect when you deliver a baby and now you do. And how wonderfully everything worked out on the day she was born, and that you had a plan then, and (even though some extremely minor element was a surprise, because there are always surprises when a baby comes) and the plan worked very well. And that, while there is still some uncertainty about how everything will proceed (because there are always surprises when a baby is born), you are ready for everything that might happen with the plan for this time and that the first thing you made sure of is that she is being cared for for the short while when you are having the new baby and her papa is there comforting you.

Maybe also tell her that when you go to have the baby she will get a phone call from you and another one from her father, if you think that reassurance would help... you can make those calls after the baby arrives, after all.

K.

[ailbhe]

Oh, this is lovely, and brilliant.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

Why, thanks. It's not my first rodeo, as they say.

K.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

I wonder if maybe it would help to explain that there are kid problems and grown-up problems, and while the grown-up problems can seem big to a kid, grown-ups can handle them. And you and Michael have this problem covered, so she doesn't have to worry.

[ailbhe]

I'd ask Isabelle's Mom to write out a promise in writing for Alex.

Anxieties

[hazelchaz]

Does Alex already have a good set of alphabet blocks, or of all-purpose building blocks?