(no subject)

[rivka]

It's been a year. (If you're pregnant, please don't click through the link.)

I would have had a six-month-old now. Playing with toys. Maybe sitting up.

If that pregnancy had not ended, I would not have become pregnant with the Niblet who is, at this very moment, trying to batter his way out of my belly with his feet. He would not exist. I will always look at this baby and know that great grief made him possible.

I have no great meaning to extract from what happened to us a year ago. I can only say that you endure what you must because there's no other choice, and eventually it ends. Suffering is finite.

I haven't forgotten; I don't think I could. Who I am has been shaped by what happened a year ago. I can still contact the sadness. But I'm not there anymore.

I survived.

Comments

[netpositive.livejournal.com]

Yeah.

I speak as an only child, an A+ baby born healthy to an O- mother who had already had several failed pregnancies. I have always carried the weight of all those expectations, as well as that of my younger brother whom we lost.

Yes, I'm very strong, perhaps because of all that, perhaps in spite of it. But it's hard. Confusing, painful, and hard. You've had all those feelings so maybe you understand a little....

I would echo this thought: love Niblet for what he is, not for what might have been.

Otherwise, I've never borne a child myself, so all else I can send you is good wishes and *hugs*.