rivka | (no subject)

(no subject)

I'm writing back to nanny job applicants.

There just isn't any way of saying "I'm sorry, but we're really not looking for someone with wholesome family values to take care of our children", is there?

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i don't know if that is the best actual response but

that is one of the best lines i've read in months!

Um. Maybe not.

I hope you find someone whose values mesh with your wholesome family values. You know, diversity and tolerance and kindness and all.

I'm sure Miss Manners would come up with a gentle formulation. I've got nothing.

Perhaps you should have mentioned the Beezus-worship in the ad.

"Unfortunately the phrase 'wholesome family values' is often a coded way of expressing a group of beliefs that are antithetical to our child-raising philosophy - including intolerance towards diversity in sexual orientation and family structure. We therefore feel that you are unlikely to be a good match for this position. If we are incorrect, we apologize for the misjudgment but felt you should know that the choice of language on your resume may serve to alienate some individuals whose cultural values are wholesome but outside the mainstream."

I'd leave off the last sentence, but otherwise, yeah. The phrase in question pretty much has a "(TM) Religio-Industrial Complex" after it these days, so there's very little chance of accidental usage requiring an apology.

"Thankyou but our family already has values."

But you're nicer than I am and unlikely to find that useful.

The voice behind me has chanted "Do it! Do it! Say just that!" but

cattitude has suggested that such an applicant might decide to report the sender of such a letter to Child Protective Services, and you don't want to get involved with that, however unreasonable the report might be.

The trouble is, their idea of "wholesome family values" may not mesh with your family values, which are quite wholesome by my lights. But you don't have to rub their noses in it...it's just as easy to say "Thank you for applying, but we do not feel you would be a good match for our family."

You might want to get a little more specific in your ad---"We are Unitarian Universalists, and are trying to raise our children to be tolerant and value diversity." We liberals have our code phrases too!

If you have time (which you probably don't), you could reply with, "Family values means different things to different families. What would you do if. . . " and see what responses you get to certain scenarios. (Alex has a friend with two moms or dads, et cetera)

"You don't seem to be the best fit for our family." No need to elaborate, unless someone suggests an irresistably snarky comment :)

That's approximately what I said. She didn't seem mean or anything - I just don't think a conservative Christian nanny is our thing.

We had a fairly conservative Christian student as Casper's first, part-time nanny, and she was really great. The fact that the other family she was nannying for had the last name Hacohen did reassure me at first! Knowing her was a wonderful lesson for me that people can have conservative religious beliefs but also be personally tolerant; she did a great job of acknowledging what our values were (i.e. feeding on demand, no crying to nap - Casper was 3-9 months old) and caring for Casper accordingly, even though the family she had nannied for the longest, from her church at home, used Babywise.

I think you mean "Wholesome Family Values (tm)." There is a difference.

Right after reading this post I began reading "Mrs. Miniver" from the U Penn "Celebrating Women Writers" site. In the introduction about Jan Struthers, the book's author, I found this, which may amuse you as it amused me:

One of her funniest pieces in Try Anything Twice (a collection of writings from Punch and The Spectator published two years before Mrs. Miniver, and just as crammed with wisdom and wit) is about going to the fearsome Mrs. Cattermole's establishment to find a new nanny. "Wanted: A really nice nanny. Born, not made. Must be fond of dogs and able to make toffee. No dragons or duchesses need apply." In reality, the Maxtone Graham nanny, the spirited Miss Annie Good, was devoted to Jan and stayed until the children were grown up. Jan would not allow her to wear a uniform and they ignored the custom of the nanny calling her charges "Miss Janet" or "Master Robert".

Am reminded of the episode in Byatt's Babel Tower when Frederica has to go to court about custody of her child with her divorced upper-crust husband, in which there is a lot about The Traditions of His Family, and argues that her family (which I suppose one could broadly described as lower-middle-class cultural workers/teachers/etc) also has traditions and those are not about sending tiny wee children off to boarding school.

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