(no subject)

[rivka]

I go back to work on Wednesday. I'll be working three days a week; that represents a 20% reduction in official hours plus eight hours a week working from home.

We've hired a nanny, a 30-year-old psych major named Beth who seems very nice, gets glowing reviews, appears to get our parenting style, and has 11 years of experience. Starting in June, Alex will come home from school at lunchtime and be with Colin and the nanny (or Colin and me, on Fridays) in the afternoons. She'll still have her Wednesdays entirely at home.

This part is really hard. What makes it even harder with Colin than it was four years ago with Alex is the whole nursing-and-pumping issue. I don't know if I'll be able to pump enough milk. I don't know what "enough" is, even, because although Colin has practiced drinking from a bottle he has never had a full feeding that way, so I don't know how much he'll take or how long it will last him.

Fun times.

As I did when I first left Alex with a nanny, I've made up a short field guide to my kids - one page per kid, plus extras about Alex's diet. Boy, it's all a lot more complicated when there's a 4-year-old involved. It's posted under the cut in case you're curious or have feedback.

Colin Nutt Date of birth: 2/9/09

Important numbers:
(Mom at work, Mom's cell, same for Dad, pediatrician, emergency, our house address & phone)

Health: Colin has no ongoing health problems. Please do not give him medicine of any kind, including baby Tylenol, unless expressly directed by us or his doctor.

Shield his skin from direct sunlight. He is too young for sunscreen.

Routine: Colin doesn’t yet have a predictable daily rhythm, although he is starting to fall into a pattern of awake-alert time, then feeding, then sleep.

Colin is fed on demand. He eats breastmilk only. I will leave three prepared bottles per day, and more milk is in the freezer in case he is unusually hungry or something happens to a prepared bottle. Bottles should be heated by placing them in hot water, and frozen milk can be thawed the same way. Shake to mix in fat before feeding. Do not microwave milk or heat over stove burner.

He naps in arms, in the swing, or in the pack-n-play. If it’s not too hot, he will sleep better if swaddled first. Never leave him to "cry it out."

Colin likes being held, lying on a blanket on the floor, his swing, being worn in the sling while you walk somewhere, and being sung to. He will sometimes take a pacifier, but not often. His toys are in a basket on or under the coffee table.

Where to find:
Bath supplies: bathroom at top of stairs. Liquid soap on floor next to tub. Bath thermometer is the crab-shaped toy. Colin’s washcloth & towel on back of the door.
Feeding supplies: Full bottles in fridge, extra bottles to left of sink. Frozen milk in plastic bags in white freezer container. Burp cloths (cloth diapers) in storage tower in playroom.
Changing supplies: Changing station in playroom. Clothes in storage tower. Extra diapers & wipes behind the pack-n-play. Balmex if bottom looks red or sore, on lamp table in playroom.
Health care supplies: Rectal thermometer with lubricant, saline and nasal aspirator, and nail clippers in mesh pockets of diaper bag.

Where to leave:
Empty bottles: Rinse well and leave next to kitchen sink, or wash if you have time.
Dirty laundry: Leave on floor by basement door. Washer and dryer are in the basement in case you have an emergency need to wash clothes.

Alex Wald Date of birth: 4/11/05

Important numbers: (enumerated just as for Colin)

Health: Alex must wear sunscreen when outside for more than 5-10 minutes. Her sunscreen is in the living room under the TV. She must wear a helmet and knee and elbow pads to ride her scooter outside.

Routine: Alex currently goes to nursery school MTThF from 9-5. Beginning in June she will be at nursery school from 9-1, eating lunch there. She does not nap. She is mostly independent in the bathroom.

Alex loves imaginative play, art projects, stories, math & science, asking questions, board and card games, and digging in the garden.

Diet: Alex is a picky eater. With breakfast, lunch, and snacks we give her options to choose from. At dinner we have a set menu and she can have a piece of deli meat or bread and butter if she doesn’t like what is served. We try not to pressure her to eat. If breakfast or lunch is essentially untouched, put it in the fridge for later hunger. Otherwise she can have healthy snacks whenever she likes and a sweet snack or dessert (cookies, sweetened yogurt) once in the afternoon. A suggested meal and snack list is posted on the fridge; use your judgment.

Media: Under normal circumstances Alex can watch one show per day. She has a few shows on the TiVO and several videos on top of or to the right of the TV. She usually likes to watch her show during breakfast. She will soon be getting a computer – until then, computer time must be supervised by us only, because it happens on our computers.

Discipline: Physical punishment and shaming language may never be used. We also do not use time out as a punishment at home, although she is familiar with it from school. Techniques we use:

• Be very clear about behavioral expectations, especially before an outing.


• Be playful – challenge her to a race if she is dawdling, make cleanup a game.


• Remove problem items, such as thrown toys or misused crayons.


• Assist compliance – instead of repeatedly asking her to do something, go get her and help her through the motions.


• Explain logical consequences: if she doesn’t put on shoes, she’ll have to stay in. If she makes a mess, she will have to clean it up.


• Be willing to negotiate small things, like 2 min vs. 5 min more at the playground.


• For tantrums, be firm but sympathetic. If she is struggling with a lot of tantrums, suggest that she take some time in her room to cool off. (Not as a punishment.)


• Withdraw attention from obnoxious/provocative behavior, by leaving the room if necessary.
  
• If she is defiant and oppositional on an outing, end the outing immediately.


Lunch ideas for Alex
Annie’s mac and cheese (look to see if some is already in fridge)
Hot dogs
Deli ham or turkey and crackers
Scrambled eggs
Peanut butter and jelly sandwich cut into shapes
Bagel and cream cheese with smoked salmon

Snack ideas for Alex:
Crackers with peanut butter
Carrot and celery sticks
Fruit
Bread and butter
Popcorn
Crackers or pretzels
Slice of deli meat
Yogurt (only once a day)
Two cookies (only once a day)

Drinks:
Alex likes “milkshakes” which are ½ chocolate milk, ½ white milk. She drinks whole milk (red carton).
Dilute apple juice 50% with water.

House rules about food:
Alex may eat in the dining room, at her tray in the living room, or at her art table in the playroom. No food or drinks on the living room couch; it’s new.

Drinks not consumed at the dining room table must be in a covered straw cup.

If she requests a certain meal, she may not change her mind and get something different after you’ve started preparing it.

She does not have to clean her plate or try some of everything or otherwise eat food she does not want. However, a child who is too full to eat more than a bite or two of lunch is too full for dessert.

Comments

[nex0s.livejournal.com]

However, a child who is too full to eat more than a bite or two of lunch is too full for dessert.

This is making me giggle, and I don't know why. I think maybe because I can reconstruct the argument in my minds eye :)

N.

[zingerella.livejournal.com]

It is amazing to me how often this argument has to happen, not only at four, but also, apparently, at five and six.

"I'm full [putting fork down in essentially untouched food that he requested or agreed enthusiastically to]"
"Are you sure you're full? You did ask for this."
Exasperatedly, "Yes, I'm full. I don't want anything else."
"Nothing at all? You're too full for anything?"
"YES!"
"Well, the food will be here when you're hungry. Can you drink your milk, please?" (I don't like pouring it out, and we're past the sippy-cup stage; cups of milk left in the fridge are likely to spill.)
"No, I'm full!"
"Okay then. You may clear your plate and be excused." The milk stays out ... eventually, I'll drink it.

Dessert time comes. The kid's dad and I are sitting down to dessert. Kid comes back to table. "Hey! I would like some pudding please!"
"But you were full!"
"Not for pudding!"
"I don't think the only thing you eat tonight should be brownie. I'd like you to have a bit more of your supper before you have dessert."
"But I'm full!"

...

Repeat.

[kcobweb.livejournal.com]

My daughter (who is just a month older than Alex) recently had the response: "But desserts have hungry in them too!"

We laughed, but she still didn't get dessert. :)

[ailbhe]

My dessert-stomach merged with my main-course-stomach when I was about fifteen, I think. Until then, it was obvious to me that different rules of appetite applied.

[ratphooey.livejournal.com]

I think it's great.

It's amazing how many little details there are, that you don't even think about when they are part of your everyday routine.

[ailbhe]

It all looks great to me, especially the bit for Alex.

For Linnea (who was not under discussion until I dragged her in, I know), Physical punishment [...] may never be used.
might not be compatible with
# Assist compliance – instead of repeatedly asking her to do something, go get her and help her through the motions.

# Explain logical consequences: if she doesn’t put on shoes, she’ll have to stay in. If she makes a mess, she will have to clean it up.

# If she is defiant and oppositional on an outing, end the outing immediately.
... unless there are clear lines between force and punishment, which, when it was me and Linnea, I felt there weren't.

That was when I wanted the spirit-breaking kit.

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

Peanut butter and jelly sandwich cut into shapes
Bagel and cream cheese with smoked salmon

The juxtaposition here amuses me. (For what it's worth, that seems to be a well-thought-out instruction sheet.)

(Now I wonder if I should post the instruction sheet I leave for the GAs when I'm out of the office for a day or more.)

(Oh, what the heck; why not.)

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

i was at a mayday potluck yesterday, at which the following was said "oh, look, they have n's favorite food! olive tapenade with capers!"

n is two.

(olive tapenade with capers is also *my* favorite food, so i hightailed it to the kitchen before she ate it all...)

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

I was very suspicious of capers until somewhere in my 30s. Olive tapenade, however, would have been scarfed down at pretty much any age.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

Those are some great lists.

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

i don't suppose you have any research or anything on shaming language, what it is and why not to use it? (in your copious free time, of course...)

i used to be friends with someone who i was certain i was going to have to explain to her not to call godot a pussy. and it's so blindingly obvious to me why this is a bad thing that i am not good at explaining it.

i have since solved this problem another way, but i expect she's not the only one who may try that, and i expect it creeps into my language in ways i don't realize.

[fairoriana.livejournal.com]

May I suggest, from recent experience, that it is totally worth buying a bottle warmer ($15 at Target). It makes it much easier for the caretaker to prepare a bottle. My husband is grumpy at me for not getting one for Grey.

[almeda.livejournal.com]

We find it trivially simple to half-fill one of our large water glasses (huge -- like 20oz) with tap water and microwave it for a minute. Then swirl the bottle (frozen or thawed) in the not-quite-boiling water, or drop it in there while you do a diaper change, and Bob's your uncle.

[kate_nepveu]

That's what we do in the daytime (also, I am discovering, avoids the sometimes-awkward effects of steam on certain bottle types), but a warmer with attached cooler is wonderful in the middle of the night.

[almeda.livejournal.com]

Ooh, attached cooler? *fans self*

Made of yes.

[riarambles.livejournal.com]

I like this web page for figuring out milk-consumption needs: http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/milkcalc.html I actually like the whole website, but that particular page is nice to have.

[almeda.livejournal.com]

I tried to use it, but, um. When I tried to calculate what they say she ought to drink in a day, divided by her feeding schedule (rather irregular -- sometimes it's every half an hour and sometimes she goes five hours between), and then saw how much milk she actually TAKES in a bottle feeding, it only confused me more.

I think my kid hasn't read the owner's manual. :->

[ex-serenejo.livejournal.com]

This is great, and I, too, giggled at the last paragraph.

[txobserver.livejournal.com]

Remove problem items, such as thrown toys or misused crayons.

My kids' nursery school teacher taught me to say "That toy needs to be in time out. When you can play safely with it, you can try again later." I liked the idea of the toy, not the child, being in timeout.

[trope.livejournal.com]

Oooh, I love that! And we are just at that stage. Thank you, great advice.

Pumping and feeding...things no one tells you!

[fawnapril.livejournal.com]

"This part is really hard. What makes it even harder with Colin than it was four years ago with Alex is the whole nursing-and-pumping issue. I don't know if I'll be able to pump enough milk. I don't know what "enough" is, even, because although Colin has practiced drinking from a bottle he has never had a full feeding that way, so I don't know how much he'll take or how long it will last him."

So, it sounds like you have an amazing support system and knowing you, I am sure you have done a ton a research, but please let me know if it might be helpful for me to share our recent experience with transitioning from breastfeeding at home to pumping and bottles. There were lots of bumps, despite my preparation and research. Best of luck with it all regardless!

Re: Pumping and feeding...things no one tells you!

[almeda.livejournal.com]

I hope this reply from someone you don't know isn't presumptuous, but *I'd* be very interested, if you're willing to share?

almeda@lj works as an email address.

Re: Pumping and feeding...things no one tells you!

[fawnapril.livejournal.com]

One more thing: sterilizing the pumping supplies. Somehow I didn't know about this. But I got a microwave sterilizer at Target and it works in just a few minutes.

I also found it was very important to wash everything (bottles and nipples too) with soapy water before putting it in sterilizer or dishwasher.

Good luck!

Re: Pumping and feeding...things no one tells you!

[rivka.livejournal.com]

I would be interested! Please!

Re: Pumping and feeding...things no one tells you!

[fawnapril.livejournal.com]

In addition to the comment I just made, here's email I sent almeda. I only provide the information on request because I think as parents we have enough to worry about and don't want to make anyone worry unnecessarily. That said, I hope some of this will be helpful! Also, someone else mentioned the kellymom site--such a great resource. I also hear there are books about breast feeding and working--I wished I had picked one up!

"Here are a few things that come to mind--please let me know if you want more information.

I don't think most babies / mamas will face these challenges, at least not most of them, but we did and I wasn't really prepared for them.

-Milk going "bad": Some women have a chemical (or more of it) in their milk that makes it go bad very quickly. Almost none of the milk I froze was usable. My freshly pumped milk is only good for about a day refrigerated. I knew that I might not be able to pump enough, but thought I could use the frozen milk for a while. I knew of this possibility (I had read about it on kellymom, but didn't really plan for it.
-Once I realized I couldn't pump enough, we started on 1/2 formula, 1/2 breast milk, but she rejected at first. It took quite a while for her to be willing to take straight formula, which she will now gulp down.
-The first day care she was at couldn't get her to eat much. The first week I wasn't too worried, but by the second week, it was problematic. She is not a big baby and in fact started to see a drop-off in her weight gain.
-I started pumping 3 times a day, plus feeding her at lunch in order to get more milk. I am lucky that I can usually just pump in my office and have lots of flexibility in my job, so this was possible--otherwise I would not have been able to get enough milk when she was refusing the formula.
-Knowing when to feed the baby. You probably won't have the issue since you have a nanny, but it was very hard at the daycare for them to figure out when to feed her. With breastfeeding, you have so much more freedom to try it if you think she might be hungry. But with limited bottle supplies, you risk it spoiling. (After her first month at a center, we switched to a home care provider and many of the problems were fixed.)
-Trying to figure out how much to put in each bottle. Sometimes she would eat what was in the bottle and then be done--she wouldn't take a second bottle right away. So I was trying to offer her breast milk in its own bottle, because it doesn't spoil as quickly as formula once the baby has started eating, but then sometimes I don't think she was getting enough. Looking back, I think I was probably too focused on trying not to waste breast milk.
-Looking at photos of her seemed to help with the pumping--also trying to stay relaxed.
-The power went out once and I didn't have batteries for the pack. Fortunately it came on after about an hour. I would left work if I had to in order to pump--I live only 10 minutes away, so not so bad for me.

I am sure there was more, but that is what comes to mind now. I assume you are asking because you are in a similar situation--good luck and feel free to ask any follow-up questions!

Best, Fawn"