On the topic of swearing.

[rivka]

I don't remember ever being punished for swearing. My mother responded to even mild profanity with a calm, but firm, "I don't like that kind of language." My recollection is she said this instead of, not in addition to, responding to the content of what we were upset or complaining about, so eventually we figured out that swearing can derail communication.

My father used mild profanity in front of us, and did not object to hearing it when my mother or other potentially offendable people weren't around. Lesson #2 learned: different language for different contexts.

But there are two incidents in my childhood that really stand out, in which my parents taught me extremely valuable lessons about swearing.

Incident #1: We were on vacation. My father took my 11-year-old brother and another boy out on our little Day Sailer, and without warning the mast snapped. When they got back to the dock, the boys reported, awed, that when the mast broke my father uttered only two words: "Oh, dear."

Lesson learned: Sometimes the most impressive thing is the profanity you don't use.

Incident #2: One year my father absent-mindedly forgot to sign up at work for his vacation weeks. This was a huuuge deal, because we had already reserved and put a deposit on a rental cottage, and there was a chance that we'd just miss our vacation, while paying the deposit fee, if Dad didn't secure the right to take the proper weeks off. (Turns had to be taken, so he couldn't take just any week.)

My mother, who never swore and never tolerated the use of words like "hell" in her presence, discovered Dad's lapse in the middle of family dinner. There was a silence. Then she turned to him and said, "You asshole!"

I remember nothing that happened after that, because the moment itself was so apocalyptic in my mind. But I'll bet you that every single member of my family remembers when she said it, and why. And you damn betcha my father fixed the vacation thing and never ever repeated that mistake. I have never heard her utter another curse word ever again.

Lesson learned: If you are known to never swear, people will pay attention if you do. If you swear regularly, the words don't have that power.

Comments

[kcobweb.livejournal.com]

I am awestruck, and totally cannot picture your mother saying that.

My parents swore some in front of us, but said it was "mommy and daddy language" (we were old enough for that phrasing to be a bit of a joke in and of itself, but we knew they meant it) and therefore forbidden to us. I remember the first time I said "fuck" in a sentence in front of my father (around 11 or 12, I believe). He commented "Whoa!" but I knew he really didn't care that much and the moment passed..... :)

[wcg.livejournal.com]

Holy moly!

[geminigirl]

"Lesson learned: If you are known to never swear, people will pay attention if you do. If you swear regularly, the words don't have that power."

My mother's take on "strong language" (strong language meant anything from "shut up" to much more vulgar swearing) was just that-that you should save the words for the times when you really do need them and they have a much greater impact when you do use them. And she's right, although it's much harder to understand that when you're a kid.

I'm hoping that we can model the same thing for Naomi over time, and that she'll choose to use her creativity to find strong and colorful language when swearing just isn't what she needs, but there's something that needs to be said.

[jerusha.livejournal.com]

I learned the lesson of "If you are known to never swear, people will pay attention if you do" in High School. I was running late, from class to class, and had to stop at my locker. I opened my locker, and the entire contents cascaded out onto my feet. I exclaimed, "Oh, shit!" Dead. Silence. Everyone in the Day Student locker room was looking at me as if they expected my lips to fall off in reaction to profanity passing them. I probably would have had a less shocked reaction if I'd screamed at the top of my lungs :)

[ookpik.livejournal.com]

OK, I have to ask: do you know Lou and Peter Berryman's "A Chat with Your Mother (The F-Word Song)"? If not, you might want to listen. (Can't find a good YouTube link, unfortunately.)