Sermon update!
Apr. 21st, 2002 02:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rivkaSo today was the sermon about fidelity and adultery - the one that prompted ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
curiousangel and I to come out as poly to our minister. It was better than I could possibly have imagined. I took notes, because I figured people who had been following the saga would be interested.
He based the sermon on the first two principles of Unitarian-Universalism: affirmation of the inherent worth and dignity of every person, and the promotion of justice, equity, and compassion in human relations. He argued that these two principles are not only the basis for agape love (roughly, brotherly love or love for humanity), but need to underlie eros (sexual or romantic love) as well. Thus, he called for a fundamental sexual ethic of caring and respect in all relationships.
He said that fundamentally, to have fully equal and caring relationships we have to love and care for ourselves, and feel worthy of love. The next essential step is feeling care and respect for our partners, and the third is to communicate with our partners about their needs and feelings.
He argued that sexual relationships must take place in a context of equality, in which no one is coerced and no one is taking advantage of privilege or position. He specifically mentioned sexual abuse by the clergy, and clergy-parishoner relationships - and he made it clear that he wasn't talking about Catholic priests alone. He stressed the importance of keeping vows that one has made with regard to sexuality, whether they be vows of celibacy or marriage vows. And he also talked about the critical importance of being responsible for the consequences of sexual relationships - for example, taking responsibility not to conceive children one doesn't want.
"Do I condemn open relationships?" [At this point, Misha and I just about fell over in shock.] He went on to say that there have been times throughout history when multiple wives have been the norm, for various reasons, and other times in which men have felt entitled to free access to multiple women - such as slaveowners and slave women - and that these situations have often been oppressive.
"But these are not what I mean." He mentioned that some people vow to marry "forsaking all others," while others consciously decide not to include that vow. "For most of us, faithfulness will mean monogamy, in part because it's hard enough to have a committed, faithful relationship with one person, let alone more. But there is now a group within the Unitarian Church called Unitarian Universalists for Polyamory Awareness. This in not about 60s swinging, nor about secret affairs. It's about openness, honesty, and faithfulness in more than one relationship. Is this adultery? If we can keep faith with multiple partners it is *not* adultery - but I have to add, it's not for me."
He then went on to say that although we'd been talking so far about committed relationships, he thought the same ethics and principles were critically important in non-committed sexual interactions as well: caring, respect, responsibility, concern for consequences.
It was a really, really, really good sermon. I'm so proud right now to be a member of this church.
curiousangel and I to come out as poly to our minister. It was better than I could possibly have imagined. I took notes, because I figured people who had been following the saga would be interested.He based the sermon on the first two principles of Unitarian-Universalism: affirmation of the inherent worth and dignity of every person, and the promotion of justice, equity, and compassion in human relations. He argued that these two principles are not only the basis for agape love (roughly, brotherly love or love for humanity), but need to underlie eros (sexual or romantic love) as well. Thus, he called for a fundamental sexual ethic of caring and respect in all relationships.
He said that fundamentally, to have fully equal and caring relationships we have to love and care for ourselves, and feel worthy of love. The next essential step is feeling care and respect for our partners, and the third is to communicate with our partners about their needs and feelings.
He argued that sexual relationships must take place in a context of equality, in which no one is coerced and no one is taking advantage of privilege or position. He specifically mentioned sexual abuse by the clergy, and clergy-parishoner relationships - and he made it clear that he wasn't talking about Catholic priests alone. He stressed the importance of keeping vows that one has made with regard to sexuality, whether they be vows of celibacy or marriage vows. And he also talked about the critical importance of being responsible for the consequences of sexual relationships - for example, taking responsibility not to conceive children one doesn't want.
"Do I condemn open relationships?" [At this point, Misha and I just about fell over in shock.] He went on to say that there have been times throughout history when multiple wives have been the norm, for various reasons, and other times in which men have felt entitled to free access to multiple women - such as slaveowners and slave women - and that these situations have often been oppressive.
"But these are not what I mean." He mentioned that some people vow to marry "forsaking all others," while others consciously decide not to include that vow. "For most of us, faithfulness will mean monogamy, in part because it's hard enough to have a committed, faithful relationship with one person, let alone more. But there is now a group within the Unitarian Church called Unitarian Universalists for Polyamory Awareness. This in not about 60s swinging, nor about secret affairs. It's about openness, honesty, and faithfulness in more than one relationship. Is this adultery? If we can keep faith with multiple partners it is *not* adultery - but I have to add, it's not for me."
He then went on to say that although we'd been talking so far about committed relationships, he thought the same ethics and principles were critically important in non-committed sexual interactions as well: caring, respect, responsibility, concern for consequences.
It was a really, really, really good sermon. I'm so proud right now to be a member of this church.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2002-04-21 12:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-04-21 12:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-04-21 12:29 pm (UTC)If it should happen to come up...
Date: 2002-04-21 12:31 pm (UTC)Barbara
no subject
Date: 2002-04-21 12:47 pm (UTC)I'm delighted to see that my prediction (that your discussio might inform the sermon) was realized.
And delighted for both of you that the risky step of coming out to your pastor paid off in such an affirming way.
Next time you have a chance to talk to this guy, tell him you have at least one unchurched friend who would seriously consider becoming part of a fellowship led by someone who "preaches" that "fundamentally, to have fully equal and caring relationships we have to love and care for ourselves, and feel worthy of love. The next essential step is feeling care and respect for our partners, and the third is to communicate with our partners about their needs and feelings." In fact, it's exactly what I'm working on in my own life
no subject
Date: 2002-04-21 01:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-04-21 01:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-04-21 01:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-04-21 02:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-04-21 03:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-04-21 05:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-04-21 06:28 pm (UTC)Gesi
no subject
Date: 2002-04-21 06:47 pm (UTC)