rivka | I leave comments.

Elsewhere on the net, someone posted asking what she should do with a free sample of infant formula. After commenting on how gross and creepy the ingredient list is, she says, "I'm a little uncomfortable with donating it to a foodbank, I'd rather donate MY milk to help other Mamas.

Is it safe to give my cats?"

I replied:

So *are* you donating your breastmilk to a food bank, and in your experience are most mothers who use food banks comfortable accepting donated breastmilk from a stranger? And do they have proper storage for frozen milk, and the resources and knowledge to do home pasteurization? Will places that distribute food to folks who are very poor even deal with breastmilk?

Donating milk to a milk bank is a great idea, but it's probably going to go to a mother who has the resources to keep her baby from going hungry even if she couldn't get milk donations. There's nothing wrong with giving to help that mama and that baby get the really good stuff instead of formula, but it's not equivalent to a food bank situation.

I guess I'm saying: please don't give something to your cats that could be used to keep a poor or homeless baby from having to go to sleep with an empty belly. It's not like a homeless mother living in her car is going to relactate if she finds that the food pantry doesn't have any formula.

Fortunately for my blood pressure, the comments are running 8 to 1 in favor of donation. But that one opposed is a doozy: Honestly, I throw mine in the trash. I figure if that crap wasn't readily available then more women would breastfeed instead of automatically reaching for it. However, PP's have made me feel terribly guilty about trashing it.

I hate the Mommy Wars in all their incarnations, but what drives me furthest up the wall is the idea that we can somehow improve the state of American motherhood by punishing mothers who are poor or desperate. No: by punishing their children.

I understand that privilege, by its very nature, is often invisible to those who possess it. I understand how someone can thoughtlessly say "all mothers should..." or "all children should..." without stopping to consider whether they all have the resources or privilege to do so. But what kind of person still thinks that way even cued with the specific context of a homeless shelter, battered women's shelter, food bank? Who thinks of a mother caught in that situation and thinks that if her kid goes hungry at least she'll finally realize that she made the wrong choice at birth?

Threaded | Flat

Lots of idiots, apparently.

I especially love the "is it safe to give my cats?" angle on this one. Yes, formula, which (say what you will about it) has significantly reduced the incidence of infant death related to malnutrition, might be too icky for your precious kitty.

I guess I'm saying: please don't give something to your cats that could be used to keep a poor or homeless baby from having to go to sleep with an empty belly. It's not like a homeless mother living in her car is going to relactate if she finds that the food pantry doesn't have any formula.

You are brilliant.

I think your icon is not nearly strong enough.

Those folks are right up there with the "formula should only be available by prescription" brigade.

By my logic, if one finds the prevalence/availability of infant formula that grossly offensive, one would have all the more reason to donate free samples or coupons, given that the formula manufacturers will see that much less revenue as a result.

But that takes away all the fun that comes from withholding basic resources from economically disadvantaged, recently postpartum mothers, doesn't it?

It is really good to remind and be reminded of what the world looks like through different eyes.

When it comes down to that kind of crazy, I push towards the "People who it's often recommended shouldn't breastfeed, like women with HIV"-usually the reminder that there are women who fit both "need assistance with basic living needs like food" and "shouldn't breastfeed because of health reasons" works well enough, unless you're dealing with HIV denialists, but that's a whole basket of eggs I'm just not willing to get into.

I want to comment, but if I try to summon words, I think my head will explode. So I'll just say, thank you for being the voice of reason in the wilderness of the mommy wars.

Completely leaving aside all the economic arguments (even though I agree with them completely), what about mothers who simply cannot breastfeed for whatever biological or situational reasons?

The punishment idea seems very much in keeping with how an awful lot of people think kids should be kept in line too, especially re: sex.

You are so, so right.

Also, my understanding is that in order to produce enough milk for a baby you need to take in a decent number of calories yourself? Which might be challenging for a mom who is depending on a food bank to feed herself and her family.

After commenting on how gross and creepy the ingredient list is

I think part of the problem is that some of the organic crunchy granola knit-your-own-yogurt lactivists have gone so far as to denounce formula as "poison". If you think that a foodstuff is actually bad for a baby, you won't want to donate it even to a woman in dire need.

I don't know what those of us on the side of "Everyone who can safely breastfeed should, but isn't it great that science exists to help those who can't?" can do about this :/

All I can think is, I am so glad I am well out of this debate at this point. I'd have blown a gasket.

Seriously. How can anyone ....

Nope. Brain shuts down.

This makes me so sad. (Not your posting it; the situation you posted about.)

I have a terrible habit of reading the comments to news articles on the SF Chronicle's website, SFGate.com.

Many, many people think that way if the comments are to be believed. The poor should stop being so poor, the sick should get well, the young should grow up, and the elderly should... die? I'm unclear on that point. But people should take responsibility for themselves and if they have to suffer because they fail to do so, well too bad.

Anyone who can't transform themselves overnight should probably die on the streets, but not San Francisco's streets because those damn homeless have ruined everything. They should go back where they came from (wherever that is). If you have access to the Internet and you're also homeless/on food assistance, you're a lying welfare cheat. If you have children who need government health care, you shouldn't have had those babies if you couldn't take care of them, and maybe watching them suffer will teach you a LESSON. And if you are accused of a crime (accused, not even convicted), the SFGate commenters can't wait for you to get raped in prison.

It. Is. Vile.

It makes my general misanthropy far, far worse, to know that this is how (some) people think about their fellow human beings.

This makes me want to buy a few cases of formula and drop them off at the local homeless shelter.

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