(no subject)

[rivka]

On Monday night we went to a Seder hosted by our friends unodelman and lynsaurus. I really enjoyed the evening, and I was surprised at how well the kids held up. (Alex did miss school the next day because of excessive sleepiness, but I consider that a small price to pay.)

We were thrilled to be invited. Two years ago our church held a Seder, and Michael and I have both been disappointed that there hasn't been one at the church since. At the same time, I had some ambivalent feelings about whether we, uh, deserved to be invited. I hasten to say that those feelings have absolutely nothing to do with lynsaurus and unodelman and their family members who were present; everyone was incredibly warm and welcoming.

Here's the thing:

I was raised in a mainline Protestant, liberal Christian tradition. I was baptized when I was a toddler. I went to church every week. But I also, when I was a kid, felt a strong sense of connection and affinity for Judaism. At that time in my life, I thought of myself as ethnically "half Jewish." My father was raised in a nonreligious household, but his father was Jewish, the son of immigrant garment workers who lived on the Lower East Side in New York. My father identified as ethnically Jewish. And in Boston in the 1940s and 1950s, other people also identified my father as Jewish.

So I grew up with an interest in Jewish things. I sometimes went to temple with kcobweb on Friday nights, if I was sleeping over. She tried to teach me a little Hebrew; I can still write my name, but that's about all I ever learned. I read extensively in the children's/YA genre of "heroic Jewish children hide from Nazis." At that time, in the late 70s and early 80s, mainline Protestant churches like mine took a very respectful and interested attitude toward Judaism - not in the skeevy "Jews for Jesus" sense, but in a belief that we had a strong shared heritage and that their history was our history. We sometimes held a Seder at church out of just that sense of shared heritage.

As I grew older, I started to see things in a more complicated light. I realized that by Jewish law, not only was I not "half Jewish," but I wasn't Jewish at all - and neither was my father. Judaism passes through the maternal line. I realized that even if my Jewish ethnic heritage came from my mother's side, my baptism and churchgoing would have made me really not-Jewish. And eventually I came to understand that the idea that Christians and Jews share a substantial common heritage and history, and have significant religious commonalities, is a belief that is much more common and more strongly held among Christians than among Jews. I started to consider my childhood, um, Jewphilia, in the light of cultural appropriation. And I felt awkward.

I'm not a Christian now, but (of course) a Unitarian-Universalist. And UUs have a long tradition of glomming happily onto other people's beliefs and practices and rituals. (Sometimes this is approached thoughtfully and respectfully. Other times, not.) When we found out that there wasn't going to be a Seder at church this year, Michael and I briefly discussed whether it would be okay to have a Seder in our home, for just our family.

We decided that it wouldn't. The thing is, I really like Passover. I love the story and the rituals. I think every religion should have a major holiday focused on oppression and liberation (and wine). But Judaism is not an evangelical, O-hai-let's-share-the-good-news-with-everyone-and-get-them-to-be-like-us religion. Passover is for Jews, not for everyone who thinks Passover is cool. So it was awesome that our friends invited us to share their Seder. It was deeply meaningful to us. But I think that makes us "lucky people who got to share in their tradition," not "people who also have a right to this tradition."

Comments

[trope.livejournal.com]

Hm. I am of two minds on this, and also trying to be very cautious as I am certainly not Jewish and probably don't know enough about Passover. From my understanding, Passover involves remembering the injustice of past oppression, and staying vigilant about fighting oppression in all its current forms. I really feel like the more people retell that story each year, either to themselves or to others, the better.

And Passover also seems to be very much a sacred time of family tradition, and that serves a completely different purpose. For many secular families, that "high holiday" could be Thanksgiving or the 4th of July or some other day. As an American, I don't think I would really object if my British in-laws had a barbeque and lit fireworks on their own time, but I admit that I would find it rather odd. And I'm sure that my Jewish friends find the idea of a UU seder pretty odd. But every year my church does it, and our Jewish members recreate a little of their family history, and the rest of us try to watch and learn something. I do sincerely hope we're not damaging anyone else's Passover by doing so.

[nex0s.livejournal.com]

There's a difference between Jews having Seder with non-Jews, and non-Jews having a Seder without Jews present.

There's also a HUGE difference between the secular holidays of thanksgiving (problematic in it's own right) and the 4th of July. Pesach (Passover) as open as it is, is a religious holiday that we are commanded to keep by G-d. It's not just a big meal & singing.

[matthewwdaly.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think I feel like you do. I don't seem to seeing a lot of outrage over President Obama hosting a Seder (for the third time now), so I wonder if it is more inclusive than I suspected. I should confess that I suspected that the evening would be pretty well mysterious to anyone who didn't speak Hebrew fluently, so we can see how naive I am on the matter.

I suppose it could also be a matter of precisely who you ask. To give a Christian example, I take communion when I am at a Protestant church (even if I am not a member of the denomination), but not when I'm at a Catholic church. It's commemorating the same event using largely the same ritual, but the Catholics feel that the experience would be less sacred were it open to those outside the fold. Through that lens, I am grateful that there are people who are willing to share the experience with those who would be respectful of it and broadened by it.

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

Just FYI-Obama's Seder tradition was originally initiated by the Jews on his staff. He was a guest.

[kita0610.livejournal.com]

I like this post. :)

[nex0s.livejournal.com]

Me too!

[rivka.livejournal.com]

OMG how gorgeous are you in that userpic?!

Okay, sorry, off topic. Carry on.

[ex-serenejo.livejournal.com]

I'll answer, though: WAY gorgeous.

[beckyzoole.livejournal.com]

I started to read this post with internal sighing and groaning, as it seemed to be about another intelligent, well-meaning non-Jew who Just Doesn't Get It.

But by the end I wanted to tell rivka that I think I love her. Hey, rivka, I think I love you!

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

In my tradition, Passover over all other holidays is the one to which you are supposed to invite and welcome non-Jews. I can't remember a Seder in my life that was composed entirely of Jews and, while I haven't been to 58 years of Seders, I've probably been to something like 45 years of them.

It's so deeply ingrained in me that you invite non-Jews to Seders that I can't remember ever being told why, but my guess is it's either because it's such a teaching holiday, or because oppression is something all kinds of people can understand, or both.

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

Yes, this. When I was growing up, we *always* had non-Jewish guests at Seder. The impression I had was that it was part of opening the home to anyone who might be hungry.

[melebeth]

This was true for us as well. Although I do find churches throwing seders to be weird, it would be even weirder to not open the doors to the seder for everyone.

[kcobweb.livejournal.com]

Not surprisingly, I have complicated feelings on this topic. As someone who was raised Jewish, but also technically isn't (see: non-Jewish maternal line), and no longer practices, but sometimes wonders if I want to again..... Yeah: *I* don't even know what to call myself, or where I stand.

I do want Elena to know about that part of her cultural heritage, as part of the ancestry she comes from. This December, we lit Hannukah candles every night (and I taught Elena and galagan the blessing to say). And I think, in that context, it's perfectly all right to teach Alex and Colin about these things (maybe while you're teaching yourself and Michael about it at the same time). Almost a reclamation, more than appropriation.

My mother also *always* invites non-Jews to her seders, when she has one. My mother, who isn't really Jewish...... :)

I leave you with a link - a modern Haggadah, written/compiled by a very good friend of mine.

[ex-serenejo.livejournal.com]

As far as I know, it's historical/traditional to invite non-Jews to Passover seder. (My mother's father is Jewish. Therefore, my mother is not, and I am not, so I'm relating this second-hand.) That's different, in my opinion, from holding a seder oneself if one is not Jewish. I wouldn't do it, personally, but I'd happily accept an invitation from a Jewish person to theirs.

[lcohen]

coming in late (of course) but echoing what many other people are saying--i wrote the haggadah that my immediate family uses and i wrote it with the knowledge that there would be non-jewish people present in mind. so i left in all the teaching plus a little extra, and i removed all of what i call the chest-thumping.

so there's absolutely no question in my mind that if jewish friends invite you to their seder, you deserve to be there and are welcomed--that's part of the point of the holiday. but i think your instincts about not creating your own seder are correct.

it seems like celebrating seder in other contexts is a great opportunity to let alex and colin know about something that is, after all, part of their heritage--even though you and your father are not jewish, there are jewish people on that side of your family. and anyway, it's a great holiday--it's very easy to make it relevant to the world today, alas.