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rivkaMy second physical therapy appointment this evening. We started out with heat packs under my back and cupping my neck. I drowsed for about twenty minutes, feeling the heat seep into my muscles to ease them, and then she spent the rest of the session massaging me. At the end of the hour, we spent five minutes on four gentle, painless exercises. I left there feeling great.
This isn't just different from my previous post-surgery physical therapy, or the intensive strengthening and gait retraining I did last fall. I was in a car accident when I was sixteen, and the resulting physical therapy for whiplash was incredibly painful - solely exercise-based, no heat or massage or hydrotherapy or anything. I feel so grateful to this therapist. It's not just that it feels good - it's really helping.
Misha went to the body shop after work to clear the rest of our things out of our totalled car, and got a better look at the damage than either of us had gotten at the accident scene. Apparently, there was substantial damage to the rear of the car on the passenger side - we'd thought it was mostly the bumper, but he said that once you open the trunk it's clear that there's quite a bit of damage to the frame. And mostly on my side, which would explain why I've had more pain and been slower to recover.
I'm not sure why having an explanation is so important to me. In a weird way, I feel slightly guilty for not being better already. I think I always have a sneaking fear that people will think I'm complaining too much about my health, or that I'm a hypochondriac. That's exaggerated in this case because I have a soft-tissue injury from a car accident, for which I'm going to be receiving compensation. I've worked in a pain clinic - I know the skepticism that greets complaints of soft-tissue pain when there are lawyers or insurance companies involved. I'm certain myself that "compensation syndrome" is not at the root of my pain, but it also seems to be important to me to muster a defense.
I'm relieved that the physical damage to the car substantiates the amount of pain I'm feeling. I was quite relieved on Tuesday when the physical therapist could actually see the swelling in my neck and back. And at the same time I'm irritated with myself for thinking this is important. No one has accused me.
*headshake* I'm sleepy, and not making a tremendous amount of sense. And so to bed.
This isn't just different from my previous post-surgery physical therapy, or the intensive strengthening and gait retraining I did last fall. I was in a car accident when I was sixteen, and the resulting physical therapy for whiplash was incredibly painful - solely exercise-based, no heat or massage or hydrotherapy or anything. I feel so grateful to this therapist. It's not just that it feels good - it's really helping.
Misha went to the body shop after work to clear the rest of our things out of our totalled car, and got a better look at the damage than either of us had gotten at the accident scene. Apparently, there was substantial damage to the rear of the car on the passenger side - we'd thought it was mostly the bumper, but he said that once you open the trunk it's clear that there's quite a bit of damage to the frame. And mostly on my side, which would explain why I've had more pain and been slower to recover.
I'm not sure why having an explanation is so important to me. In a weird way, I feel slightly guilty for not being better already. I think I always have a sneaking fear that people will think I'm complaining too much about my health, or that I'm a hypochondriac. That's exaggerated in this case because I have a soft-tissue injury from a car accident, for which I'm going to be receiving compensation. I've worked in a pain clinic - I know the skepticism that greets complaints of soft-tissue pain when there are lawyers or insurance companies involved. I'm certain myself that "compensation syndrome" is not at the root of my pain, but it also seems to be important to me to muster a defense.
I'm relieved that the physical damage to the car substantiates the amount of pain I'm feeling. I was quite relieved on Tuesday when the physical therapist could actually see the swelling in my neck and back. And at the same time I'm irritated with myself for thinking this is important. No one has accused me.
*headshake* I'm sleepy, and not making a tremendous amount of sense. And so to bed.
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Date: 2002-05-31 06:41 am (UTC)I used to interact with people who, since they couldn't *see* it, didn't really believe I had a problem. Therefore my taking measures not to get too chilled or too stressed when not well-fed, looked a lot to them like me being an attention-sink. I broke off a conversation that was very tense and full of drama saying 'I really can't talk about this right now' and got sneered at for 'using my "heart condition" as a club'... and you could hear the quotation marks in her voice.
A while later I was in full blown tachycardia in the emergency room. The usual uncomfortable and annoying procedures were being done, including the repeated attempts to establish an IV drip without blowing yet another vein.
I took a certain deep seated and wrong headed satisfaction in walking into the diner and not saying a word to the woman who'd sneered at me... with the large and garish bruises of the failed IV sticks visible on both arms in several places. The look on her face was worth its weight in gold to me at that moment. Evidently a heart condition had to be something that required an ER visit to be real to her. Thereafter she treated me like a ticking bomb, which was *just* as bad in a diffenrent way.
Invisible disabilities are *hard*. And they put your head in a weird space.
I am glad you have a good PT this time. After his surgery Mikhail and his PTs had an odd relationship, because along with the massage and heat and ice treatments he had to do some very uncomfortable stuff. They used to tell him the massage wasn't strictly needed but that they were doing it to stay on his good side.
*gentle fond hugs*
Barbara