Sunday morning.
Jan. 30th, 2011 09:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rivkaIt's Sunday morning, and I don't want to go to church.
Nine years ago, Michael and I made the decision that we are a family that goes to church whether we feel like it or not. That goes double now that we have kids in Religious Education. Church is the way it is. But I'm not feeling it, and I haven't for a while.
Well, I have a toddler. I haven't been able to sit and listen to an entire service in... yeah, it's been a while. Michael does half the Colin duty, but he does it on the weeks that I am occupied during the service teaching Religious Education. (Which by the way, I have not been enjoying at all.) We could have made a push to get Colin comfortable in the nursery, but we haven't. I confess that I don't feel particularly motivated to do it. I don't feel like I've bonded to our new minister, so I guess I've felt less of a drive to get Colin settled so that I can go hear the sermon.
Michael, of course, is hugely involved in church leadership. Hugely. He's the vice-president of the Board of Trustees and the chair of the Stewardship Committee. We're swinging into stewardship season, so church business is about to start taking even more of his time than it already does. And the Nominating Committee has asked him to stand for presidency of the congregation this coming year. They don't really have any other candidates. It's something he is called to do, and he'll be awesome at it, but I'm dreading it.
I kind of feel like, the more that Michael does at church, the less there is there for me. Church starts to feel like an obligation, something that cuts into our family time and demands that I do a lot of extra solo parenting.
I don't know. It's not like my feelings about Unitarian-Universalism have changed at all. And it's not like I don't respect the value of our church as an institution. But I don't feel like going to church is feeding me. It just feels like work.
I know there are people on my friends list who have been committed to a church or another institution for the long term. How do you handle the down cycles? Or don't you have them?
Nine years ago, Michael and I made the decision that we are a family that goes to church whether we feel like it or not. That goes double now that we have kids in Religious Education. Church is the way it is. But I'm not feeling it, and I haven't for a while.
Well, I have a toddler. I haven't been able to sit and listen to an entire service in... yeah, it's been a while. Michael does half the Colin duty, but he does it on the weeks that I am occupied during the service teaching Religious Education. (Which by the way, I have not been enjoying at all.) We could have made a push to get Colin comfortable in the nursery, but we haven't. I confess that I don't feel particularly motivated to do it. I don't feel like I've bonded to our new minister, so I guess I've felt less of a drive to get Colin settled so that I can go hear the sermon.
Michael, of course, is hugely involved in church leadership. Hugely. He's the vice-president of the Board of Trustees and the chair of the Stewardship Committee. We're swinging into stewardship season, so church business is about to start taking even more of his time than it already does. And the Nominating Committee has asked him to stand for presidency of the congregation this coming year. They don't really have any other candidates. It's something he is called to do, and he'll be awesome at it, but I'm dreading it.
I kind of feel like, the more that Michael does at church, the less there is there for me. Church starts to feel like an obligation, something that cuts into our family time and demands that I do a lot of extra solo parenting.
I don't know. It's not like my feelings about Unitarian-Universalism have changed at all. And it's not like I don't respect the value of our church as an institution. But I don't feel like going to church is feeding me. It just feels like work.
I know there are people on my friends list who have been committed to a church or another institution for the long term. How do you handle the down cycles? Or don't you have them?
no subject
Date: 2011-01-30 03:43 pm (UTC)- What do you most like about church when you like it? Has that changed within the past couple of years? (And next question, naturally, is "Is there a way for you to get more of that?")
- I'm wondering if something in the role you've found yourself in is feeling like it's locking you in - by which I mean, there's a certain way that 'minister's spouse' can feel disconnected from the congregation, and I know the same thing can happen to people whose spouses/partners are actively involved in other leadership roles. (And in particular, that expressing vulnerability, discomfort, need, etc. will be taken wrong and affect the church's perception of the partner, even on a subconscious level, and even if the discomfort/need/whatever has nothing to do with the partner, but instead with things like work, or other family connections/commitments.)
One of the classic solutions for this one is to find some other setting where that thing isn't in play as much - whether that's a smaller group within the church community, or something outside of the specific church community, but within the larger religious community. (Admittedly, tricky with two small children at home.) One of my solutions has always been to have online religious interactions as well as in-person ones, so that when the in person ones get to rubbing raw, I have other places to talk about specific topics.
- And finally, from more direct personal experience: when I've had those moments, I usually take a step back and go "Ok, what *would* feed me? And how do I take a break from the stuff that isn't without leaving anyone in the lurch?"
(In your case from what you said, I think taking a break from religious ed for a year might be a really smart move. Or at least doing something you enjoy more. Even if you can't make that happen immediately, having it to look forward to might help.)