Sunday morning.
Jan. 30th, 2011 09:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rivkaIt's Sunday morning, and I don't want to go to church.
Nine years ago, Michael and I made the decision that we are a family that goes to church whether we feel like it or not. That goes double now that we have kids in Religious Education. Church is the way it is. But I'm not feeling it, and I haven't for a while.
Well, I have a toddler. I haven't been able to sit and listen to an entire service in... yeah, it's been a while. Michael does half the Colin duty, but he does it on the weeks that I am occupied during the service teaching Religious Education. (Which by the way, I have not been enjoying at all.) We could have made a push to get Colin comfortable in the nursery, but we haven't. I confess that I don't feel particularly motivated to do it. I don't feel like I've bonded to our new minister, so I guess I've felt less of a drive to get Colin settled so that I can go hear the sermon.
Michael, of course, is hugely involved in church leadership. Hugely. He's the vice-president of the Board of Trustees and the chair of the Stewardship Committee. We're swinging into stewardship season, so church business is about to start taking even more of his time than it already does. And the Nominating Committee has asked him to stand for presidency of the congregation this coming year. They don't really have any other candidates. It's something he is called to do, and he'll be awesome at it, but I'm dreading it.
I kind of feel like, the more that Michael does at church, the less there is there for me. Church starts to feel like an obligation, something that cuts into our family time and demands that I do a lot of extra solo parenting.
I don't know. It's not like my feelings about Unitarian-Universalism have changed at all. And it's not like I don't respect the value of our church as an institution. But I don't feel like going to church is feeding me. It just feels like work.
I know there are people on my friends list who have been committed to a church or another institution for the long term. How do you handle the down cycles? Or don't you have them?
Nine years ago, Michael and I made the decision that we are a family that goes to church whether we feel like it or not. That goes double now that we have kids in Religious Education. Church is the way it is. But I'm not feeling it, and I haven't for a while.
Well, I have a toddler. I haven't been able to sit and listen to an entire service in... yeah, it's been a while. Michael does half the Colin duty, but he does it on the weeks that I am occupied during the service teaching Religious Education. (Which by the way, I have not been enjoying at all.) We could have made a push to get Colin comfortable in the nursery, but we haven't. I confess that I don't feel particularly motivated to do it. I don't feel like I've bonded to our new minister, so I guess I've felt less of a drive to get Colin settled so that I can go hear the sermon.
Michael, of course, is hugely involved in church leadership. Hugely. He's the vice-president of the Board of Trustees and the chair of the Stewardship Committee. We're swinging into stewardship season, so church business is about to start taking even more of his time than it already does. And the Nominating Committee has asked him to stand for presidency of the congregation this coming year. They don't really have any other candidates. It's something he is called to do, and he'll be awesome at it, but I'm dreading it.
I kind of feel like, the more that Michael does at church, the less there is there for me. Church starts to feel like an obligation, something that cuts into our family time and demands that I do a lot of extra solo parenting.
I don't know. It's not like my feelings about Unitarian-Universalism have changed at all. And it's not like I don't respect the value of our church as an institution. But I don't feel like going to church is feeding me. It just feels like work.
I know there are people on my friends list who have been committed to a church or another institution for the long term. How do you handle the down cycles? Or don't you have them?
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no subject
Date: 2011-01-30 05:44 pm (UTC)Can I stop you right there?
Nine years ago, you were different people, a different family (no kids), and went to a different church (different minister/responsibilities).
I think it's wrong to allow your nine-year-younger self to run your life.
I'm not saying that it's a bad thing to go to church regularly - but to go if you don't enjoy it and don't find it inspiring makes no sense to me. And yes, it's a family decision - you all need to have a say in this, and quite possibly what you need to do is work out why church has become a chore - it sounds as if the teaching is not working out for you at all - but I feel that life decisions should be up for revision when circumstances have changed drastically.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-30 08:03 pm (UTC)Well, I think that you can commit to being part of a community even when it is not, at the moment, personally rewarding. It's like not getting divorced just because your marriage is going through a difficult patch.
But also, I have strong convictions about the value to my kids of being brought up within a religious community and having a Unitarian-Universalist religious education. So I might very well go to church for them even if I am not enjoying it.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-31 04:20 am (UTC)A: Doing the tiring, unfulfilling, unappreciated, work of going to church every week, just as you did when the job was easier and you found it fulfilling; or
B: Leaving this religious community, living the rest of your life without the support of an organized group that shares your values.
As Naomi suggested, you might send the kids to church with Michael and sleep late some Sundays. It's not "getting divorced just because your marriage is going through a difficult patch." It could be more like a couple under stress changing their minds about their old agreement to have breakfast together every morning.
How do people in your church connect to the community? I don't believe everybody who is connected to the community goes to Sunday morning services every week. In my own congregations, I've known people who were really active in Hadassah or Brotherhood, or the Book Group or Social Justice Committee, who only came to services on high holidays...they were solidly part of the community and everybody knew it. Your congregation may have something comparable. I don't know what, if any, of it might feel satisfying for you. Whatever you try, it's ok to dip a toe in it. You don't have to take it over and wear yourself out doing it better than they've ever seen.