Sunday morning.
Jan. 30th, 2011 09:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rivkaIt's Sunday morning, and I don't want to go to church.
Nine years ago, Michael and I made the decision that we are a family that goes to church whether we feel like it or not. That goes double now that we have kids in Religious Education. Church is the way it is. But I'm not feeling it, and I haven't for a while.
Well, I have a toddler. I haven't been able to sit and listen to an entire service in... yeah, it's been a while. Michael does half the Colin duty, but he does it on the weeks that I am occupied during the service teaching Religious Education. (Which by the way, I have not been enjoying at all.) We could have made a push to get Colin comfortable in the nursery, but we haven't. I confess that I don't feel particularly motivated to do it. I don't feel like I've bonded to our new minister, so I guess I've felt less of a drive to get Colin settled so that I can go hear the sermon.
Michael, of course, is hugely involved in church leadership. Hugely. He's the vice-president of the Board of Trustees and the chair of the Stewardship Committee. We're swinging into stewardship season, so church business is about to start taking even more of his time than it already does. And the Nominating Committee has asked him to stand for presidency of the congregation this coming year. They don't really have any other candidates. It's something he is called to do, and he'll be awesome at it, but I'm dreading it.
I kind of feel like, the more that Michael does at church, the less there is there for me. Church starts to feel like an obligation, something that cuts into our family time and demands that I do a lot of extra solo parenting.
I don't know. It's not like my feelings about Unitarian-Universalism have changed at all. And it's not like I don't respect the value of our church as an institution. But I don't feel like going to church is feeding me. It just feels like work.
I know there are people on my friends list who have been committed to a church or another institution for the long term. How do you handle the down cycles? Or don't you have them?
Nine years ago, Michael and I made the decision that we are a family that goes to church whether we feel like it or not. That goes double now that we have kids in Religious Education. Church is the way it is. But I'm not feeling it, and I haven't for a while.
Well, I have a toddler. I haven't been able to sit and listen to an entire service in... yeah, it's been a while. Michael does half the Colin duty, but he does it on the weeks that I am occupied during the service teaching Religious Education. (Which by the way, I have not been enjoying at all.) We could have made a push to get Colin comfortable in the nursery, but we haven't. I confess that I don't feel particularly motivated to do it. I don't feel like I've bonded to our new minister, so I guess I've felt less of a drive to get Colin settled so that I can go hear the sermon.
Michael, of course, is hugely involved in church leadership. Hugely. He's the vice-president of the Board of Trustees and the chair of the Stewardship Committee. We're swinging into stewardship season, so church business is about to start taking even more of his time than it already does. And the Nominating Committee has asked him to stand for presidency of the congregation this coming year. They don't really have any other candidates. It's something he is called to do, and he'll be awesome at it, but I'm dreading it.
I kind of feel like, the more that Michael does at church, the less there is there for me. Church starts to feel like an obligation, something that cuts into our family time and demands that I do a lot of extra solo parenting.
I don't know. It's not like my feelings about Unitarian-Universalism have changed at all. And it's not like I don't respect the value of our church as an institution. But I don't feel like going to church is feeding me. It just feels like work.
I know there are people on my friends list who have been committed to a church or another institution for the long term. How do you handle the down cycles? Or don't you have them?
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no subject
Date: 2011-01-30 05:55 pm (UTC)When in a waning downswing, I have asked myself if I am a dry well. It is very difficult to pour out compassion or faith when I am dry. I have nothing to give, and so giving is painful. It's been my experience that others to whom I am trying to give can tell this, and so it is unhelpful of me to push myself as it does no good to them and hurts me, both.
For me, speaking again only for me, I ask myself what are the things that renew my well?
Usually, I find that the things that fill my well are withdrawing (for a time) from the wearying tasks and replacing them with other tasks that I *can* do. For instance, instead of being with the community when I'm exhausted and snappish, I dig in my vegetable garden to grow food that I know is needed. The work of my hands is integral to my faith, and working that way renews me like nothing else. It gets me in touch with the beauty of the world and it also serves a purpose and is something that I am good at.
My personal faith believes that work can be a form of prayer, so when I'm out there, kneeling in the mud and weeding, I'm praying. (I can't believe I just typed that out, as I'm rather shy about some of this stuff.) I consider that church can sometimes be helpful to faith, but sometimes not, and if it's not right now, then following an alternate path to bring you closer to faith is an acceptable and good thing to do.
I know that different people renew their faith differently. My grandmother, from whom I get a lot of my faith, can't attend church services right now because of her health. She watches mass on television instead. I'm not saying you should watch TV! But that even the most faithful and, in my gram's case, 'absolutely will attend church no matter what' rules are sometimes set aside in favor of other paths for a time, without a reduction in faith or social bonds, and can return to the previous attendence schedule later without any loss. If there's a way to renew your connection at your current church, great, but if that path isn't open to you right now, I don't feel it means it will never be open to you, and I see nothing wrong with taking an alternate approach for a time to renew yourself and find joy. I don't know what that path might be, as that's a very personal thing, so I hesitate to make any suggestions, but I think choosing something different for a time could be very beneficial and a good option, if you decide to pursue that. Or if you can find a way to reconnect in the formal methods (sermons, groups, etc), that's good, too.