(no subject)

[rivka]

Michael is in Memphis this weekend, visiting his father. The impetus for the visit is that Michael's father's doctors took him off chemo and recommended hospice care. The kids and I are here. He's not supposed to be exposed to children, and besides, it's good for them to have a chance to talk uninterrupted.

Those of you who have been following my journal for a while know that Michael's father has been very sick for a very long time. He was diagnosed with late-stage lung cancer in August of 2004, just after I learned that I was pregnant with Alex. For a while, we doubted that he would live to see her born. He had chemo, radiation, a recurrence, more chemo. Then the tumor was just... gone. But his lungs were horribly scarred from the radiation, and he had a variety of other serious health problems. We were sure he was dying in the summer of 2008 - so sure that I put Michael on a plane with two hours' notice. Again he recovered.

Now he has what's known as a secondary malignancy. His bone marrow was damaged by the chemo and radiation for his lung cancer, and he can't produce proper blood cells. He's been requiring blood transfusions more and more frequently, as often as once a week. He's in and out of the hospital. Michael went out and bought a conservative charcoal-colored suit.

We feel as though we're approaching the end. We have felt that way before. We have felt that way a lot of times. It's very complicated at the end, isn't it?

Comments

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

It's very complicated at the end, isn't it?

Yes, it is. And it's hard, no matter what. Michael and his father, and indeed all of you, will be in my thoughts.

[iamjw.livejournal.com]

Yes it is.

Goodthoughts on the way and *hugs* offered.

[eeyorerin]

It is hard. I hope it all goes as well as can be and will be thinking of you. I'm glad he lived to see both Alex and Colin born.

[chipuni.livejournal.com]

*sends dozens of hugs*

[mme-hardy.livejournal.com]

Bless all of you and keep you in the light.

[gerisullivan.livejournal.com]

May all of you go as gently as possible through these complicated days.

[pameladean]

Best thoughts to all of you.

P.

[guruwench.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry, Rivka. I hope things are as gentle as they can be for all of you.

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

It is complicated. I will be thinking of them, and of the rest of you.

[ckd]

Best wishes to all of you. May there be comfort.

[green-knight.livejournal.com]

Best wishes to all of you in these difficult times.

[ailbhe]

I thought that might be it. Best wishes to you all. Now I want to listen to "Storm in the Night" again.

[oursin.livejournal.com]

Good thoughts for all of you at this difficult time.

[treadpath.livejournal.com]

The end is always hard, but sometimes the stuff leading up to the end is harder. You all will be in our thoughts and we send love and wishes of comfort to you and your family.

[ratphooey.livejournal.com]

Very complicated, and very hard.

[kate_nepveu]

*hugs, support*

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

The end is hard and confusing and full of complications.

You and Michael are in my thoughts. Hugs/good thoughts and healing energies sent... and let me know if there's any way I can help.

[naomikritzer]

The ending is incredibly complicated.

With my MIL, she had a series of health crises, and recovered from each but always at a lower "normal" than she'd had before. She had Type II diabetes and was kind of a poster child for poor outcomes: about a year before she went, she had to go on dialysis due to complete renal failure, and around that same time she lost most of her sight. Later that year she had a heart attack (at Christmas, while we were out there visiting) which she survived but which left her too sick to really come home, so she wound up in a nursing home, getting steadily sicker and more confused. On several occasions she was declared well enough to go home, but always, a health crisis would put her back in the hospital a short time later.

She was not at all old -- only in her mid-sixties. But she was a lifetime smoker, and smoking does not mix well with anything but it's especially bad to combine it with diabetes.

During her final decline, we kept thinking she was going to die and then she'd stabilize. Ed had gone out, but came home, thinking she'd pulled through, before she destabilized again.

One of the weird mercies was a doctor who sat down with my FIL and said that curative treatment at this point was not going to help her and they should move to palliative. Because FIL could not bring himself to make that decision. Clarity is a luxury you often don't have with elder care and this sort of decision. In her case, the curative care included dialysis (which is incredibly unpleasant) and wound abridement (even more so). (Not that the dialysis was going to cure her, but she had to have it every three days if she was expected to live. Once they were expecting her to die they could discontinue it.)

[firecat]

We feel as though we're approaching the end. We have felt that way before. We have felt that way a lot of times. It's very complicated at the end, isn't it?

That was my experience with my mother's final illness too.

Your family is in my thoughts.

[lcohen]

there were so many illnesses and recoveries that when the end came, i completely wasn't expecting it because i thought there would be another recovery. but no matter how prepared you think you are, the end is different than you think it will be.

you all are in my thoughts.

[fairoriana.livejournal.com]

May you all be supported and at peace with whatever comes next. You are in our hearts, as a family.