Update - Michael's father.

[rivka]

Michael's father is still in his right mind and able to talk with Michael, although he can only get two or three words out at a time before he has to take a wheezing breath.

That is a great gift, and one that we have always known Michael might not have, at the end.

He is not in continual pain. The pain comes and goes. The shortness of breath is constant.

Tomorrow Michael is going with him to a doctor's appointment. Michael's father is planning to tell the doctor that he doesn't want any more blood transfusions (he's been getting them more than weekly) or treatments, and that he would like hospice care at home to make him comfortable. I expect that they will give him morphine in large amounts. The thing about morphine is that it makes you feel okay about not having enough oxygen. Which is a mercy, but it also means that probably from this point out he will be pretty sedated until the end.

Without blood transfusions and treatment for the infection he seems to have, death is likely to come sooner rather than later. We may have a week or two.

It's very painful for me to not be with Michael right now, when he needs me.

Michael's father seems to have come to a place of acceptance. He told Michael that he is ready to go home to Jesus. And he made a point of telling Michael where to find the will, and the certificates of deposit, and the insurance policies. We had already discovered, a few weeks ago when Alex's birthday check arrived, that he had added Michael's name to their bank account.

I am trying to puzzle out what we will want to do with a two-year-old and a six-year-old at a full Southern funeral, complete with lengthy open-casket visitation. I am wasting my time worrying about things like what the children have that they can wear, because the other things that I might think about right now are hard and ultimately unprofitable.

I love Michael's father. I love Michael. This is hard.

Comments

[aranel.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry for your impending loss. We just attended my grandmother's funeral in Memphis last week. There was a curtained-off side wing of the funeral home chapel that was not in use where I was able to go and nurse my 17-month-old in private. (She seldom nurses in public any more but was out of her element and missing her nap...) On the off chance that it is the same funeral home and you think you might want to use that space, I can try to describe it to you so you wouldn't have to ask someone about it (which might be uncomfortable).

[aranel.livejournal.com]

Forgot to mention--we were at Memphis Funeral Home on Poplar.

[curiousangel.livejournal.com]

That is almost certainly the place we will be using, so any details would be much appreciated. Thank you!

[aranel.livejournal.com]

The service for my grandmother was held in more of a parlor-style room, not in the chapel. I imagine visitations would also be held in that room. When we were there, the chapel was not in use. It's an L (or perhaps T?) shaped space with curtains across two sides of the square at the front, where the sides connect. In order to get to the side area, I entered the chapel from the back, passed through the curtain at the front, then through another curtain on my right to get into the short part of the L-shape. I think as long as no one else is using or scheduled to use the chapel, you should be able to walk right in. We were able to nurse there for a while undisturbed. We weren't offered access to any kind of kids' or family room, and the couple of toys they had were pretty uninspiring, so may want to bring something for your kids to play with and/or read. I seem to recall also that there's no convenient place to change a diaper.

One nice thing was that there was snack food available (cheese and crackers and fruit).