Here in Memphis.
May. 16th, 2011 10:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rivkaWe got up at 5am yesterday (actually, I woke up at 4 because Colin did argh) to fly to Memphis.
We're going to be here for a while. The visitation is on Tuesday evening and the funeral will be Wednesday afternoon. I made our flight arrangements to come back Thursday morning, but now Michael is saying Friday would be better. I think he may have some business-type arrangements to take care of after the service - he's co-executor of the estate.
Mercifully we are staying in a hotel and not at the house. I thought it would be better to give the kids a break from the heavy grieving atmosphere, and Betty (Michael's stepmother) a break from the kids. The hotel is nice. We have a suite with a living room and a separate bedroom with a door that shuts. The room isn't that much bigger than a regular hotel room, but the extra privacy and amenities are excellent. It has a full-sized refrigerator, a stove with two burners, a microwave, dishes, silverware, and even a few pots and pans. I doubt we'll cook much (there's also a free hot breakfast) but it's sure nice to have the option to heat up leftovers and store snacks.
It was so hard to go to the house and have him not be there. We had barely walked in the door when Michael was drafted to write the obituary. This morning he's taking Betty to the funeral time to go over the arrangements, which were made in advance. I'm working on plans to get the kids through all of this. Not the difficult grieving stuff that the adults go through, but the waiting and the adults acting weird and the not bothering Nana. I'm going to try to mix up spending time at the house with trips back to the hotel, out to the park, or wherever. I have rescinded our TV restrictions.
They have a ten-year-old stepcousin who is wonderful with them. His mom doesn't want him to go to the visitation either, so we hit on a plan to set the three of them up in the hallway or an alcove with videos, toys, and books and have him keep an eye on them with frequent checks by the parents. His mom says that I don't have to pay him, but I'm planning to slip him five bucks or so. The kids will need to go to the funeral, but I have a bunch of things to keep them occupied and I hope it will be all right.
This is not a very emotional post. There has been crying, and talking, but I don't really want to go there right now. I am in practical mode.
We're going to be here for a while. The visitation is on Tuesday evening and the funeral will be Wednesday afternoon. I made our flight arrangements to come back Thursday morning, but now Michael is saying Friday would be better. I think he may have some business-type arrangements to take care of after the service - he's co-executor of the estate.
Mercifully we are staying in a hotel and not at the house. I thought it would be better to give the kids a break from the heavy grieving atmosphere, and Betty (Michael's stepmother) a break from the kids. The hotel is nice. We have a suite with a living room and a separate bedroom with a door that shuts. The room isn't that much bigger than a regular hotel room, but the extra privacy and amenities are excellent. It has a full-sized refrigerator, a stove with two burners, a microwave, dishes, silverware, and even a few pots and pans. I doubt we'll cook much (there's also a free hot breakfast) but it's sure nice to have the option to heat up leftovers and store snacks.
It was so hard to go to the house and have him not be there. We had barely walked in the door when Michael was drafted to write the obituary. This morning he's taking Betty to the funeral time to go over the arrangements, which were made in advance. I'm working on plans to get the kids through all of this. Not the difficult grieving stuff that the adults go through, but the waiting and the adults acting weird and the not bothering Nana. I'm going to try to mix up spending time at the house with trips back to the hotel, out to the park, or wherever. I have rescinded our TV restrictions.
They have a ten-year-old stepcousin who is wonderful with them. His mom doesn't want him to go to the visitation either, so we hit on a plan to set the three of them up in the hallway or an alcove with videos, toys, and books and have him keep an eye on them with frequent checks by the parents. His mom says that I don't have to pay him, but I'm planning to slip him five bucks or so. The kids will need to go to the funeral, but I have a bunch of things to keep them occupied and I hope it will be all right.
This is not a very emotional post. There has been crying, and talking, but I don't really want to go there right now. I am in practical mode.
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no subject
Date: 2011-05-16 02:17 pm (UTC)I have been thinking of you all and praying for you.
In my limited experience, having children at the funeral is a blessing for everybody, as a sign that something of the dead continues. My daughter went to her great-grandmother's funeral at four-ish, and it was not only important to her but good for the adult survivors.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-16 04:01 pm (UTC)Yes, this. The girls behaved very well at Richard's funeral, but even if they'd been monsters it would have been worth taking them because all Richard's family and friends were so touched and happy to see them. It is so very clear that they carry him in their eyes and their expressions and their curiosity and their love of beauty.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-16 02:24 pm (UTC)Practical mode is a good thing to be in when things need to get done. Strength to all of you to do what's needed.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-16 02:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-16 03:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-16 03:47 pm (UTC)Practical mode sounds very effective right now. Best wishes.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-16 04:00 pm (UTC)The Peabody hotel in Memphis has a thing with ducks that is open to the public, and would probably charm the kids, if you're looking for an extra distraction. http://www.peabodymemphis.com/peabody-ducks/
no subject
Date: 2011-05-16 07:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-16 07:42 pm (UTC)I find a refrigerator in a hotel room to be an enormous benefit, even though I don't travel with children. It's annoying to try to keep half your fish vindaloo cold and dry in an ice bucket until you get hungry at three a.m.
P.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-16 08:51 pm (UTC)