(no subject)

[rivka]

I suppose that it's normal to be falling to pieces at this stage of the process, but it's damned annoying.

Once again, I'm having trouble making myself work on the dissertation. No real progress since Sunday. I know that I can do what needs to be done, so it's not the paralyzing self-doubt and fear of negative evaluation that it was before. I just seem to have trouble... collecting myself, I guess. I'm not focusing. Instead of a laser-beam brain, which is what I need, I've got a swarm-of-gnats brain.

Also? Irritable. Not pulling my weight with housework, yet not amassing large piles of academic work in compensation. Perfectly unexceptional amounts of joint pain are making me go all whiny and complainy. I just can't seem to get a grip. curiousangel is being a saint, but I know I must be testing the hell out of his patience. If I can barely live with myself, how can he?

I know what I need to do: set small measurable goals, work on them whether or not I feel like working, give myself small concrete rewards, and just shut up with the whininess. It's not like it's a complex plan. But I just... argh.

Comments

[patgreene.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'm glad you're not suffering the self-doubt. But it sounds like "end of senior year" syndrome -- the fact that the end is in sight somehow makes the brain go all fuzzy. (At least that is how it felt to me.) Hope things improve.

[dedoc.livejournal.com]

It's like studying for Boards recertification. (Gah.) It's not in itself complex, but there's the piece of time needed to collect the heart, take a deep breath, and move to DO it...

and it's a fearful scattered time to live through, until one does.

*hugs* AM there; DOING that.

We will make it, honored colleague o' mine.

We'll do fine.

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

set small measurable goals,

yes, very necessary.

work on them whether or not I feel like working,

yes, very necessary.

give myself small concrete rewards,

yes, necessary and helpful.

and just shut up with the whininess.

not necessary until after you're done. you want i should transcribe the "i hate you all, you stupid stupid people" song and send you the words? i suggest not singing it in front of curiousangel, in the interests of future domestic harmony, however.

[ailbhe]

I think I might need this song.

[rmjwell.livejournal.com]

I think dot_cattiness needs this song, too.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

you want i should transcribe the "i hate you all, you stupid stupid people" song and send you the words?

Oh, I *totally* do. Yes. Indeed.

i suggest not singing it in front of curiousangel, in the interests of future domestic harmony, however.

Nothing stupid or hateful about curiousangel, nope. The bad feelings in that direction consist almost entirely of guilt for being such a royal pain in the ass for him to put up with.

Hey, you know, he might like to have those lyrics too...

[elusis.livejournal.com]

This is the sort of situation in which it would be useful (and should be legal) for one's physician to write a prescription for one or two pills of Ritalin to non-ADD folken.

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

I'm not meaning to argue with you, since you're a professional in the field and I'm not, but I thought Ritalin had different effects in ADD and non-ADD people?

[elusis.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm no psych doc, just a therapist. :>

Yeah, Ritalin affects non-ADD people differently - it's a stimulant for most folks. When I find myself in that creaky "can't... make... brain... work..." kind of place, where I can't seem to start anything, I've occasionally wished for a nice, 8-12 hour burst of energy that I'd *have* to put into *something*. (After all, even if I didn't get Project X started and finished, maybe I'd have a REALLY clean house!) [grin]

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Ritalin affects non-ADD people differently - it's a stimulant for most folks.

It's also a stimulant for people with ADD, though - it gives them enough additional mental energy resources to (a) focus and (b) inhibit impulsive behavior.

The idea that psychostimulants have a paradoxical "tranquilizing" effect for people with ADD, different from their effect on people without ADD, has been disproven. Drugs like Ritalin will improve just about anyone's concentration, focus, and mental organization.

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

Oh, that sounds so familiar. It's completely normal at that stage of the process. Don't make it worse by beating yourself up for your lack of focus.

It will pass.

Really.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Thank you. That helps a lot.

[melebeth]

My trick is to find something I want to do even less, decide that I have to finish it, and then I avoid doing that by working on the thing that really needs to get done. Along the lines of...

"I need to clean the toilet... no I think I'd really rather just finish the data analysis I've been stalling on for weeks"

I.e. Been there, and so I send giant hugs and productivity weebles

[trinker.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find a suitably distasteful task to be avoiding by doing what's actually needful. Usually I end up cleaning the tub or scrubbing toilets or cleaning out the fridge.

[ororo.livejournal.com]

*hugs* if you want 'em.

Is there any way you can take a day off to collect yourself? Put on a mental bug zapper and get rid of the gnats.

Love & luck.

[saoba.livejournal.com]

Would a whine-fest help any at all? We could set a time limit, have a phone call and just, well... whine. Mondo whine. Totally out there, no qualifying statements with 'I know it's not really like this, but-', completely unreasonable, lay on the floor and just whine whine whine. Toss the stoicism and the We Are The Women Who Cope and Brave Little Toaster routines and just wallow.

Aside from the boost to the economy a fifteen minute or so phone call provides, it would probably be mildly cathartic, and utterly ridiculous.

I'm up for it if you are. I mean, anything for a pal. *grin*

Barbara, who is also living with a saint these days and feeling pretty damn whiney her own self.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

That's a brilliant idea, and I think I'm going to work on incorporating that into my life.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

I am so totally up for this. I'll call you this evening. *grin*

[lcohen]

nothing terribly helpful, just offering a "let yourself off the hook on this one" card, for free.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Good luck... other people have mentioned that this isn't abnormal, and I agree.

I don't know if this is analogous or not, but when I'm having that trouble with my writing, it helps if I can put a kind of picture in my mind of what I want. By thinking "I want to get this section to *here*('here' being that mental image of what I think it'll say)", it makes the goal seem more real and more attainable.

"Character1 gets out of this by threatening violence, but I don't want that. Okay, Character one is going to get out of this by distracting Character2 with the old dozen-rotted-herrings-and-a-melon trick, and then running away".

If I thought "Okay, I want Character1 to get out of this without threatening violence", that'd be too vague, and I'd have what amounts to blank page syndrome. Even if I knew Character1 was going to use a distraction might be too vague... but I know that I'm building up to the old dozen-rotted-herrings-and-a-melon trick, so I can feel like I know where I'll be, and the goal is more visible.

You have my best wishes (and my absolute confidence).

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

This is completely normal, perhaps even typical. My experience was to spend several weeks meandering, getting bits and pieces written, then suddenly writing whole chapters in a day or two.

(hug) in any case...

[rivka.livejournal.com]

It does help to know that it's normal, thanks. Unfortunately, I no longer have weeks to meander - I need to have the damned thing turned in by the 13th of August.

[tsjafo.livejournal.com]

Good luck getting back into gear. I know its difficult, especially with deadlines to add to the stress. *hugs*

[fourgates.livejournal.com]

I find that when I'm working on large complex projects and I'm getting overwhelmed by self-doubt, cumulative procrastination, or whatever, that talking about the project with someone else helps me focus and also gives me renewed enthusiasm. If you'd like to schedule some time to psych-geek-chat, I'm available this weekend.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

If you'd like to schedule some time to psych-geek-chat, I'm available this weekend.

Thanks, but I think at this stage that's not what I need. In a couple of weeks, though, I may be asking for you and your psych-geekiness to help me prepare for my defense - if you wouldn't mind.