Grr.

[rivka]

rivka:
> > Did you intend to insult me with the "Piled Higher
> > and Deeper" part, or did you not realize that it
> > refers to *shit* being piled higher and deeper?

Someone else, not the original poster:
> Of course; it's a geometric progression (or worse):
>
> BSc -- Bullshit certificate
> MSc -- More shit certificate
> PhD -- Piled higher and deeper.
>
> Felicitations and salutations -- nobody will ever know
> what agonies you went through for that worthless piece
> of paper but you. Treasure those happy memories for they
> will sustain you in the trials to come.
>
> I'm not good at this sort of thing, as you may have surmised.

rivka:
If you were aiming at taking me down a peg, undercutting
my pleasant sense of accomplishment, or devaluing eight
years' worth of hard work, you're on the right track. If
that's not what you meant to be doing, well, maybe next
time you should stick to "felicitations" and leave it at
that.

I know I'm supposed to take this as all in good fun, but
I've spent eight years of my life working very hard,
earning very little, forgoing many pleasures, and postponing
other significant life goals. I don't know what prompts you
to tell me that my degree is worthless and my work is a
shitpile, but forgive me if I don't really have a sense
of humor about it.

---

Okay, I feel as though I've completely lost my shit here - or at least, my sense of perspective. But these comments just feel hostile to me. I'm sure he thinks he's just teasing and I know I'm supposed to be a good sport about it. And maybe if I weren't still so tired from the whole ordeal I would be a good sport about it. Or if it was someone I knew so well that their supportiveness could be taken for granted, and we had a pre-existing teasing relationship. In the absence of those factors, I feel as though I'm being told not to get above myself.

Comments

[liveavatar.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear. I'm a regular rassef reader (though I almost never post), so I've seen the entire exchange.

My thought on this is: I live in the college-sodden, degree-laden Bay Area, and I've heard the Piled Higher and Deeper joke frequently over, say, the past 20 years, chiefly from people who have a PhD. It's never seemed to be a putdown in my hearing. It's usually used as a bonding device. Kind of like Marines saying, "Yeah, I'm a jarhead."

And I've definitely heard "congratulations on your Piled Higher and Deeper" several times, used as a compliment. It's not even teasing. It's an in-joke.

Now that I've heard the joke so many times, it's a No-Longer-Funny in my book, but that's only out of boredom.

So for the first poster, I suspect his intentions were pure. (You don't quote him here, but I saw his post.) I think he was just trying to be in-jokey and chummy. To the extent you can in your immediate post-degree recovery, try to be gentle with him.

The second poster, though... yeah, with the "worthless piece of paper" thing he definitely went over the line. Especially with his detailed explanation of something you undoubtedly already knew. Just a wee bit condescending of him.

Anyway, that's the context in which I saw the exchange.

Meanwhile, congratulations on your doctorate!

[rivka.livejournal.com]

So for the first poster, I suspect his intentions were pure. (You don't quote him here, but I saw his post.) I think he was just trying to be in-jokey and chummy. To the extent you can in your immediate post-degree recovery, try to be gentle with him.

The second poster, though... yeah, with the "worthless piece of paper" thing he definitely went over the line. Especially with his detailed explanation of something you undoubtedly already knew. Just a wee bit condescending of him.

Anyway, that's the context in which I saw the exchange.

That seems about right, actually. I really was only mildly peeved with the first guy. I pointed out to him that it could be perceived as insulting and he immediately backed down from it, so all's well.

The "worthless" comment, sheesh.