(no subject)

[rivka]

I have something to say.

Five years ago, I developed a blister on my labia after having condom-protected sex with a new partner. Testing identified it as herpes simplex 1, a form which usually, but not always, presents orally. How I got infected remains a mystery to this day.

I am not dirty. I am not disgusting. I am not a pariah. It does not go without saying that I should absent myself from poly settings for life. Sleeping with me is not a sign that you lack intelligence or self-respect, it is a sign that you are really fucking lucky.

And unless you have never had genital contact with another human being, you'd be a fool to think that it couldn't have happened to you.

That is all.

Comments

[rivka.livejournal.com]

were I in the process of developing an intimate relationship with someone, and they tell me that they have herpes or some other disease, I would put the physical aspect of the relationship on hold *until* I learned more about it and was aware of the risks and could asses them rationally.

A sensible precaution. When I was diagnosed, all sex in all of my relationships stopped until we researched and re-negotiated and basically figured out what was what. (For example, it was important to me to figure out if I was going to be having outbreaks all the time, or what. I'd follow substantially different protocols if that were the case.)

Practicing safer sex is important, but not sufficient, to avoid herpes. When an infected person is having an outbreak - or the prodromal symptoms which sometimes signal an incipient outbreak, such as pain, tingling, or itching - it's important to abstain from most kinds of genital contact. Condoms typically don't cover all affected areas.