I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist.

( results from the 'what's your fetish?' test )

Warning: whiny grumpiness follows.

Here's the thing.

If I know in advance that I'm going to have a whole Saturday to myself, it's a matter for pleasant anticipation. I usually have a couple of enjoyable solitary prospects in the pipeline, and I like the peace and quiet, and the pleasure of planning dinner around foods curiousangel hates.

But here's how my plans for this Saturday have gone:

Originally, we were supposed to attend the Binghamton Ball this evening. Drive up to my parents' house in Elmira last night or this morning, attend ball practice this afternoon, and English Country Dance the night away. But the local contact person for the ball never answered our phone calls or e-mails asking for final details: directions, how to pay, dance list, et cetera. So we didn't go.

Then I thought I would spend the afternoon with wcg. He has an MDF function this evening, but I thought we could get together and sew (et cetera) beforehand. Nope, although he's coming by tomorrow afternoon to sew instead.

Then I made plans with Ben, which lasted about five minutes before he remembered a pre-existing engagement.

Then I made plans with curiousangel, because gaming was cancelled. We were going to go see the Fellowship of the Ring again. But his gaming buddy called this morning to say that they were going to meet after all.

It was already a week full of tired grumpiness, and I'm finding the repeated cancellation of my Saturday plans ridiculously affecting. I'm currently in the discontented sort of mental state where I browse the net restlessly, not really enjoying any of it, and have a hard time generating options to fill up my time. And getting into self-contradictory mindsets, like simultaneously feeling despondent about how my body looks and craving chicken fingers with ranch dressing for lunch.

I don't like feeling so dependent on other people's plans to be happy. And yet, writing that, I don't think that's quite it. I can easily entertain myself and keep myself happy - the problem lies in doing so after I've already had expectations of things being different. It's not leechiness, it's inflexibility. (Still a personality fault, but I like to be able to be precise about these things.)

( advice-requesting poll below )

(no subject)

o Chicken fingers for lunch. With ranch dressing. They weren't as good in real life as they were in my imagination, alas.

o Returned the shockingly overdue library book.

o Hung out on IM hoping for someone to entertain me. That worked well.

o Read some West Wing slash fanfic.

o Took a walk. Fifteen brisk minutes, in all senses of brisk - it was a short walk by most people's standards, I set a fast pace, and man was it cold. A little pain, but clearly identifiable as muscle pain, which is not necessarily the stop-walking kind.

o Did our taxes while listening to Billie Holiday. I am now trying to remind myself that a "refund" just means that you lent the government money for most of the year and didn't even get any interest, whereas owing money means that you kept the use of your money as long as possible. I am also now trying to remind myself that I am a liberal and in favor of taxes. Mostly this is working, but I'm going to ask curiousangel to check my figures all the same.

o Waited in vain for the orgy participants to show up.

o Tuned in to the Braves-Mets game. Planning on working on my extant cross-stitch project while I watch. In a little while, I'll make pasta puttanesca for dinner. Hopefully, one of LoRe's rosemary rolls will still be fresh.

o Still contemplating a nap.

Thanks for your poll votes and comments; they helped.