(no subject)

( self-indulgent crap, feel free to skip )

(no subject)

Alex has really been looking forward to becoming a Girl Scout when she hits kindergarten age. (They've redone the age levels since I was a kid - it used to be that you didn't start until first grade, when you were a Brownie. Now they have Daisy Girl Scouts for grades K-1 and Brownies for grades 2-3.)

We recently joined a local homeschooling group, and they have an all-ages Girl Scout troop with clusters of girls at each level (and a "tag-along club" for boys, which is nice). I e-mailed the leader to ask if we could visit a troop meeting even though Alex isn't technically of age yet. She wrote back immediately to say that the troop is really only just getting started, and in fact they're having their Investiture ceremony on Thursday, and did Alex want to just visit or would she like to join now?

I just got another e-mail from her with information about preparing for Investiture. We'll need to go out and buy Alex a uniform and insignia. But here's the part that brought tears to my eyes:

The girls are working on their Promise and Law Patch. Girl Scouts are an all inclusive organization, meaning that there are many ways to say the 3 fold promise. It is a very personal thing. I have introduced the promise, omitting part of it to include all the girls, regardless of beliefs. Now it's upto you the parent to help your daughter to personalize it.

I will include the promise in the entirety. Please go over it with your daughter and decide which version works best for your family. Thanks

On My Honor I will Try
To Serve ________ And My Country ( Option: To Serve My Country)
To Help Other People At All Times
And to Live By the Girl Scout Law

The Blank could be: Science, God, Mother Earth, Allah, Hashem, My Ancestors, Buddha, etc.

I was a Girl Scout when I was a kid, and then I was a Girl Scout Camp counselor. They were an awesome organization then, committed to feminism and inclusion, but I have to say it looks like they're even more awesome now.

Self-indulgent crap update.

Thanks everyone for your concern and support. I really - no, really, legitimately - don't think this is a matter of depression. I have a bad cold and Colin has been sleeping awfully - which means that I've been sleeping awfully as well. I think it's a combination of exhaustion and what fairoriana said about "I'm so busy with Things That Must Be Done that I get bored of myself." I am bored with myself, and feeling boring, and I am too unbelievably exhausted to be able to come up with a way of being less boring.

We took a step today that I think will help in the long run, although in the short run I expect that it will make things worse. We assembled Colin's crib in Colin's own room, and tonight I put him to sleep in it. I am done with cosleeping, with scrunching myself into a corner of the bed and holding my breath every time Colin stirs. I have also been suspecting for a while that he might sleep better in his own space. (As Dr. Jay Gordon says, babies like Colin "don’t sleep through the night any better than most of us would if we napped and cuddled within inches of the best restaurant in town and knew it was open 24 hours a day.")

So hopefully (a) I will sleep more deeply and comfortably in between night feedings, and (b) Colin will be able to move towards not feeding at night. And those things should help a great deal.

In the meantime I am trying to take it a day at a time, and I'm glad to know that I don't look as much of a boring nonentity from the outside as I do from the inside.