Post for ailbhe

[rivka]

ailbhe asked me to talk about how my pregnancy is feeling these days.

The short answer: large.

The long answer: in the past couple of weeks, I have really started to slow down. I am ponderous. I have trouble twisting my body or reaching with my left hand for something on my right, because I run smack into this enormous hard solid wall of belly that does not want to be moved. I lumber when I walk. I become exhausted quickly. Inertia has become a much more powerful force in my life.

I am in pain. I ache low in my pelvis, right at the pubic bone. It hurts when I shift position - when I roll over in bed (which is hard, so I don't do it very often anyway), sit up from lying down, stand up from sitting, take the first few steps after being immobile. A minute or two later, the pain fades away. It's good that it hurts, because that means my pelvis is opening wider, the cartilage and ligaments stretching to let the baby through. Believe me, I want my pelvis to be as wide as possible. But it hurts.

Despite all of that, however, I am feeling remarkably good. Once I'm up on my feet I can still get around reasonably well, especially if I take my time. I enjoy my belly, even if it's hard to haul it around - I think it looks and feels kind of cool. I enjoy having people recognize and comment on my imminent motherhood... most of the time. (Important note: it is not a good idea to greet the pregnant woman with "Wow, Rivka, you're just huge!")

The baby's movements are changing as she grows. I'm getting fewer kicks these days, and more whole-body rolling and shifting. I think she's running out of room to really pull her leg back and kick. One of the most surprising things about pregnancy, for me, has been how little I mind being kicked. It seems like the kind of thing that a person would mind, and I kind of got the impression from some of the things that pregnant women say that kicking is bothersome. But it really hasn't been like that at all. And her current rolling, shifting movements aren't painful or troublesome either. I can see the movements through my clothes, and they definitely get my attention - but it's just a nice little experience of connection with my baby.

Last Sunday, in church, she got the hiccups. That's never happened before, although I had read that it's supposed to be a common pregnancy occurrence. But suddenly there they were: little quakes right at my midsection, every second or two, rhythmic and steady. therealjae put her hand on my belly and felt them too. They lasted about five minutes, and then stopped. I tried suggesting that the Li'l Critter drink out of the wrong side of a glass of water - it's my infallible hiccup cure - but she didn't follow through on it.

Michael and I had a conversation recently about the difference between the imaginary baby and the real baby. Part of the way we've been bonding with the Li'l Critter is to invest her with an imaginary personality. She's sent her parents birthday cards. She expresses love. She can be talked to in a reasonably adult manner. She has preferences - she's looking forward to watching baseball games with her Papa, for example, and she loves ice cream. Essentially, we talk about the Li'l Critter in the same way that we talk about our stuffed otter: in our imaginations, she has the capacity for autonomy and self-expression.

The real baby, of course, will be a confusing and needy bundle of elementary biological functions. She won't be expressing love or thanks anytime soon. It won't be clear to us what she wants or needs. She'll be her own person in her own fascinating way, and we will love her dearly - but she won't be much like the imaginary construct we have bonded to in advance. And that's okay. That's the normal way that things are. It's just that now I really understand why women talk about the shocking disconnect between being pregnant and having a baby.

Maybe that's why we keep calling her Li'l Critter, instead of using her future name. That name will belong to the real baby, whoever she turns out to be. It's probably best that we not do too much to link it to the Li'l Critter's imaginary traits and preferences. We'll need to let Alexandra be herself.

Comments

[eeyorerin]

I was also thinking that some of the Lil'Critter activities that the two of you have been doing have also been allowing you to express caring and love for each other in your new roles as parents and to bond with each other as parents as well as bonding with her.

We'll need to let Alexandra be herself.

And that is one of the many reasons that I think you will both do wonderful jobs. Such a pretty name!

[ailsaek.livejournal.com]

We'll need to let Alexandra be herself.

And that is one of the many reasons that I think you will both do wonderful jobs. Such a pretty name!

Agreed, to both sentiments. What's your EDD again?

[rivka.livejournal.com]

April 3. Eek! Soon!

[eeyorerin]

EDD? I'm afraid I don't know that acronym.

[eeyorerin]

Oh. Now I get it. Nevermind. :)

[(Anonymous)]

Apparently I got hiccups every day for the last month of my mother's pregnancy. It may explain why I'm so good at curing other people's hiccups.

Or not.

[ailbhe]

Thank you so much.

And some babies express love pretty early on. Linnea reached out to the sound of Rob's voice before I left hospital, so before she was 6 days old.

But icecream and ballgames might be pushing it a little, yeah. On the other hand, nurture is pretty important...

Hiccups! And rolling over and over! Yippee! Rob used to watch that as I lay in my nightly bath. It's amazing - "Ooh, feet, bottom, knees? Maybe elbows." We were probably wrong, but wow.

I went through a phase of trying to close doors through my bump. Not clever, but not painful, because all my movements were through treacle so there was no momentum.

Thank you so much for writing this. I've been gagging to know. Whee!

I hope you're enjoying this. We didn't call Linnea Linnea until she'd been born - not because we didn't know the sex, but, um, I'm not sure why. It was a Thing, I suppose.

Baby!

[rivka.livejournal.com]

We didn't call Linnea Linnea until she'd been born - not because we didn't know the sex, but, um, I'm not sure why. It was a Thing, I suppose.

It didn't occur to me to wonder why we were still saying "Li'l Critter" after we'd already settled on a permanent name, until therealjae asked. It is definitely a Thing.

[ailbhe]

But is it one of those things?

Wondering something else now but can't ask before you deliver as it would affect your answer! Maybe. Maybe I'll ask anyway.

A.

[papersky.livejournal.com]

We had an in-utero cutesy name for Zorinth, even though we'd decided on his actual name (though not told anyone) and then we had a different post-birth cutesy name for him, in addition to variants of his actual name. The post-birth cutesy name suited him better, once we actually saw him.

This is so weird, I haven't thought of either of those names for years. I don't use even the post-birth one any more, for tolerably obvious reasons, like that Z is fourteen and would barf, but no, actually, it's because both of those names were related to the pet names carandol and I had for each other and which we stopped using when we got divorced. I still sometimes call Z by the other two cutesy names he developed somewhere post-birth and now. Wow.

(One of the other cutesy names is "Little One". About a year ago, Zorinth got taller than me. I said I'd have to stop calling him "Little One" now that he was so big, and he said "No, that's OK," which translates out of the teenager as "I really, really, don't want you to stop occasionally calling me that.")

[ailbhe]

Linnea's main cutesy name is Monster. But ask again next week...

[jerusha.livejournal.com]

I went through a phase of trying to close doors through my bump. Not clever, but not painful, because all my movements were through treacle so there was no momentum.

When heavily pregnant with my younger brother, my mother ironed her bump. She was pressing something, and just... got in her own way. So not recommended!

[king-tirian.livejournal.com]

Out of curiosity, what do you feel are tactful ways of commenting on imminent motherhood? I'm ready to write down "Wow, you'fe just HUGE!" because it's slightly better than what I said last time to someone that I didn't expect to be pregnant. Miss Manners, to the best of my research, doesn't cover the subject.

[wiredferret.livejournal.com]

What a great baby you're growing!
Nice shirt (it's probably one of 6 shirts, so it's good to be complimentary).
You've got that happy new mommy look.
When's the due date?
Good luck!

[rivka.livejournal.com]

To someone who you didn't expect to be pregnant? Anything at all that's positive. For example: "Wow, a baby!" "Whoa, big changes!" (only if said in an excited, happy voice) "Oh my gosh, congratulations!" "I had no idea you were expecting!" (only if said in an excited, happy voice).

Good general comments to a pregnant woman: "You look great." "I hope you've been feeling well." "How are you? And how's the baby doing?" "Here, have some chocolate."

"Wow, you're just huge" is particularly offensive as a greeting. (That's how someone approached me in the parish hall after church one day.) Better greetings would've been along the lines of "Hi, Rivka!" "How are you today?" and "So, Rivka, what do you think of the Sammy Sosa trade?"

...although I confess that I have a secret weakness for "Hi there, Mama," which I think I ought to disapprove of.

[king-tirian.livejournal.com]

Any snigglers would be completely unsurprised to hear this story.

My best thought was (in an excited happy voice) "Wow, looks like you've put on some weight!" You know, the weight of the marvelous miraculous life that she was nurturing and only about two weeks away from delivering. *facepalm* Her response was understandably something along the lines of how she hoped she would lose most of it after giving birth. And I was so flustered at the realization that she was thinking about more than those nine pounds that I blurted out something about how she was remarkably well-formed for someone in her point in term (as she was floating in our lake wearing a bikini when I saw her). So in twenty seconds I told a woman that she was fat and then that she was hot, the two things that I least want to tell a woman. Thank goodness she had a beautiful huge henna tattoo of the sun on her belly that she got from the Ren Faire so we could talk about something other than what an ass I am.

I pretty much haven't left my house since July for fear that I would run into another pregnant woman. *writes "happy new mommy look" on palm*

[patgreene.livejournal.com]

So, Rivka, what *do* you think of the Sammy Sosa trade? : )

[lissamc.livejournal.com]

May I suggest you *don't* point, laugh, and say "Oh look, a total eclipse of the sun!". (In case anyone is keeping track, I walked over, gave him a hug, and bit him. Don't tease the pregnant lady when she's feeling like a beached whale. It isn't safe.)

[saoba.livejournal.com]

My younger brother once described the location of a needed household item as 'way over there on the other side of Barbara'.

Which was when he learned, to his dismay, that being vastly pregnant did not interfere with my ability to pummel him about the head with a loaf of bread.

People greeting pregnant women with remarks about their girth deserve to be cried at and held up for donations of chocolate.

[hawkida.livejournal.com]

Just wanted to say I really enjoy reading your pregnancy posts and look forward to seeing the baby/toddler/kid posts too. I can't say I've *looked* but I've never really seen anyone write so eloquently but personally on the subject.

Found your LJ via rasseff, in case you wondered.

pubic bone pain

[(Anonymous)]

Hi Rivka,
Just to say, in case your excellent prenatal carers haven't, don't be blase about that pubic bone pain. You need to be careful not to twist quickly, or stand on one leg. My doctor warned me, when I had it with my Mick, that I should sit down to put on trousers or shoes, and be very careful stepping into my shower (which is over the bath), as pubic bones can actually separate under the pressure, and that's a hospital matter, quick smart. Not to mention very painful. Strangely enough, I didn't have it at all with the next child, so it must have been the way he was sitting.

Mostly great news, and I'm glad you are still enjoying the fullness of pregnancy. It's an incredibly amazing time, and it recedes so fast, once the baby is born. You'll be glad to have LJ as a record, because it is a bit like trying to remember winter when it is 40 degrees C outside -- possible intellectually, but not in the flesh.

Emma (give my regards to Jae -- she'll remember)

Re: pubic bone pain

[therealjae.livejournal.com]

Emma! *kisskiss*

-J