"Changes don't come easy, they don't come easy to me..."

[rivka]

I came in to work today and had e-mail from my boss. Subject: "Several considerations." Somehow, before even opening it, I knew what it was going to say. The upshot is: she doesn't think it's working out for me to work from home two days a week. And she wants me to see a lot more patients.

I've seen the end of "work from home" coming for a while. When it first loomed on the horizon I was furious and panicked, and thought about quitting. But over time, I've had to concede that I'm not getting enough done. My job is really demanding, and parts of it are falling through the cracks. It is hard for me to see enough patients in the limited time that I'm currently scheduled to be in the clinic. So.

Her initial two suggestions were (1) work in the office 5 days a week, or (2) drop to 80% of my salary and stay home one day a week. We have effected a compromise: I'm going to continue to work at home on Wednesdays, focusing mostly on things like writing and data analysis, but I'll come in to the office on Fridays and do my best to see patients all day long.

I spent the day worried sick that Meaghan (Alex's wonderful sitter/nanny) wouldn't be able or willing to work an extra day, and wondering what the hell we'd do instead. Hire someone else to work one day a week? Look for a new nanny altogether, and deprive Alex of her relationship with Meaghan? Fortunately, when I tentatively broached the subject Meaghan said that she had been thinking that she'd have to get an additional job, and that she'd much rather get more hours at this one. So she'll come on Fridays, beginning the first week of June. We'll afford it somehow.

I'm feeling a little guilty, but I think it's just the ambient guilt that impinges on every working mother. Alex loves Meaghan. Her face lights up when she sees her, even if she does then fling herself into my arms and protest my imminent departure. I'm told that she stops crying as soon as I close the door behind me. She is glad to see me at the end of the day, but not clingy or resentful. She gets one-on-one care from a consistent provider - Meaghan's been taking good care of her since she was three months old. And she'll still have me on Wednesday, Michael on Thursday, and both of us all weekend.

I actually think I'll suffer more than she does. Friday morning is story hour. Every week, Emily and Zoe meet us at our house and we walk to the library together. Before and after the program, I get to hang out with many other mothers, some of whom have become friends. Then Emily and I have lunch while the girls nap. Fridays are a big social part of my week. Meaghan will take Alex to story hour, of course, and to playtime afterward. But when will my playtime be?

Comments

[therealjae.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's so hard, losing your social time and playtime. I feel for you. It's really great that Meaghan can come for the extra day. That sure sounds like it avoids some of the worst problems that could have come about here.

-J

[wcg.livejournal.com]

What J said.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

It's really great that Meaghan can come for the extra day. That sure sounds like it avoids some of the worst problems that could have come about here.

Yeah, that's the best possible solution for Alex. (Because me quitting my job and staying home full time? Would not be so great for Alex, whatever the opinions that attachment parents and cultural conservatives might have.)

I was also worried that Meaghan might feel pressured to agree to a third day even if she didn't really want to (she's in school, too), for fear that we'd ditch her and find someone else entirely. It was a relief to have her answer so quickly, and with so much enthusiasm.

[redbird]

It sounds like you've found a good solution to a less-than-ideal situation. Do you and Alex have any social time on Wednesdays?

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Every other Wednesday is playgroup, with Emily and Zoe and three other mom-baby pairs from story hour. What I'd really like is a way to keep seeing a fair amount of Emily one-on-one, which we'd probably have to squeeze into weekends. (On Wednesdays that we don't have playgroup, Emily and Zoe have Mormon playgroup.)

Playgroup is a lot of fun, and I like the other three women, but if Emily and I can't figure out how to replace our Friday lunches, I'll miss the more intimate conversations that we're used to having.

[pegkerr.livejournal.com]

This is hard. Nothing much constructive to add, except that these are concerns that mothers continually have to be thinking about, adapting to, being flexible about, looking for ever-changing solutions as their children grow. It sure would be easier if this country made things easier for working parents. Argh.

[journeywoman.livejournal.com]

I'm impressed, actually, that you've been able to accomplish anything while working at home. Evan is incapable of amusing himself for long stretches of time, unless it involves doing something I don't want him to do. Like shredding half a roll of toilet paper and throwing it into the toilet. I can't do any work at home.

Your compromise with Lydia sounds like a good solution, except for losing the social time with Emily. It's a bummer to give up a regular social activity with someone so simpatico.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Well, when Alex is actually awake, I can work for maybe 20 minutes at a time, interspersed with periods of playing with her. She takes a two-hour nap, and I also get work done in the evenings and on weekends. It probably adds up to the right amount of time in a week, but it's not like I can work a full workday on the days that I'm home.

That was another point of friction with my boss, actually. She'd call on a Wednesday or a Friday and want me to do something within the next hour. Not practical at home, although I could usually get it done by turning Sesame Street on.

[perceval.livejournal.com]

ah yes, this sucks. i remember work being on my case when i worked from home 2 days a week during ruth's seventh and eighth months because i didn't have childcare. turns out i worked evenings and weekends and arranged for family to watch ruth for a couple of days. but yes, it was a knife's edge situation.

it's such a pity for you to lose storyhour though! weekends seem a good solution, that's how i keep in touch with my baby massage friends

[chargirlgenius.livejournal.com]

It's good that you have an ideal solution to your child care needs, and that you were also able to take care of *your* needs for so long. I'm sure you'll find creative ways to fill those voids.

Yeah, that's the best possible solution for Alex. (Because me quitting my job and staying home full time? Would not be so great for Alex, whatever the opinions that attachment parents and cultural conservatives might have.)

Yeah, as much as I enjoy staying at home, I think Henry and curdlet will be better off in the end if we can save some money for their college and for our own retirement...

[ewein2412]

this is nothing to do with the post itself, but that's a really lovely picture of you and Alex. You both look beautiful and happy.

also

[(Anonymous)]

On the surface, this looks like a turn for the worse, as far as family time. But, you might end up being able to spend even more quality time with Alex!

To give a full, fair, eight hours of work (*while* tending a baby and going to story hour, mommy/baby lunches, and mommy/baby social times)you must have had to pay the piper afterwards, and work straight into the evenings or even the nights. Not fun for you, and exhausting.

Better to work the day at work, that ends at 5pm, and have some fun in the late afternoon/early evenings, maybe. Is your friend ever available for early dinners or outings? That might be a good way to get the work done, and have some time for fun.

[ailbhe]

I'm glad it's worked out, but it's sad, too :(

A.
Attachment parent with peculiar "people who want to be stay-home parents should be able to, and people who don't want to shouldn't have to" leanings. See also: Wouldn't it be nice if everyone was nice?

[lcohen]

well drat. i'm glad that things worked out to keep Meaghan. i'm really sorry you lose your social time--i hope that emily can sometimes have lunch before or after playgroup or something.

Play Days

[(Anonymous)]

Is there any way to work on Wednesdays and take Fridays off? That would keep your social time with your friend and have your time off with Alex part of a 3 day weekend. Would that work for Meagan?

Re: Play Days

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Sadly, it wouldn't work for my job; for many complicated reasons, we can't see patients on Wednesdays. I think that's probably the only reason why I'm being allowed to continue to stay home on Wednesdays.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

Is changing jobs an option? Even if you stay, you have a lot more leverage in the negotiation if you can leave.

B