Aaaaand a change of subject.

[rivka]

My assistants and I were hanging around the office in a celebratory mood, talking about where we were going to go for our Enrollment Victory Dinner.

My phone rang. I picked it up.

"Hi, this is Rebecca."

The caller said something in a hoarse, barely audible voice.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" ...We have clients who are quite ill, of course, and it was certainly within the realm of possibility that, say, someone might be calling me from the hospital where they were being treated for pneumonia.

But he spoke again. Still in a strained whisper, but this time I understood him clearly.

"I'm masturbating."

I slammed down the phone.

And now I'm stuck wondering: was it one of our clients? Or just some guy randomly dialing numbers, hoping for a female voice?

Ugh.

Comments

[eeyorerin]

Ickityick.

But yay, cohort achieved!

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

Ew. I hope it was a random obscene call, rather than a directed one.

[kuangning]

Ugh. :/

I have to say, though, my first reaction would've been "oh, I'm sorry. Perhaps if you weren't such a slug, you could find someone to help you with that."

But then I point and laugh at flashers too.

[sciamanna.livejournal.com]

Totally off topic, love your icon kuangning! Is it Puy Mun-Law's work? She's great!

[sciamanna.livejournal.com]

Ahhh, remembered that you can look at all userpics, and found my answer -- it is her, and you have other icons by her. Coolness :-)

[casperflea.livejournal.com]

Probably a random dial.

This gives me an opportunity to recount a story. I was 19, home from college for the summer, and actually living alone in my house. I was dog-sitting for a friend, and the dog was sick, and I'd called a high school science teacher friend who was a dog breeder and knew the sick dog well, a brisk mannish woman, to ask for advice. I was cooking dinner, at the delicate stage when sausages begin to really fry after being boiled for a while. The phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Talk to me about your dog," says a hoarse voice.

Assuming it's Miss Sullivan, I begin, "Well, he's had this cough, and they said to give him the pills in bread soaked in a mixture of honey and whisky, and he takes them fine, but..."

It suddenly occurs to me that what the hoarse voice has actually said is, "Talk to me while I jerk off."

I slam down the phone and am squicked. But then, on reflection, start laughing - who wants to jerk off to the story of a dog and his cough? Poor dirty random-dialer.

[therealjae.livejournal.com]

Okay, this is freaking hilarious. I almost fell off the bed laughing.

-J

[aet.livejournal.com]

Actually, an emotion-starved wanker who is looking for Lolita like experience of living together with a teen who is this schoolgirl caring more for her school classes or pets, but here she is and she keeps talking about her pet even during ...

[beaq.livejournal.com]

Oh, blech.

I'm inclined to be sarcastic before I hang up or walk away ("how special for you!"), but it's always icky, and I worry that anything I say is just encouragement.

In the office. Bah.

Um. Yay, cohort?

[kate_nepveu]

Ugh indeed. I had some personally-directed calls in high school and it was very freaky, so my sympathies.

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

My sympathies.

I think the one obscene phone call I ever received was from someone who later became a lover, and thought that that would be an entertaining way to get my attention. This was years ago: I took the call, and a hoarse whisper said, "tawuzzawuzzawa..."

"Excuse me?"

Still the whisper, but better enunciated, "Tell me whayawant..."

"I want you to learn to speak clearly and stop wasting my time." *click*

Never did find out if it was the guy I think it was; he probably didn't want to find out just how peeved I could be.

I got a follow-up to an obscene phonecall once

[dakiwiboid.livejournal.com]

At least I'm pretty sure that's what it was. About a week after I'd received an obscene phonecall and stopped answering my phone (back before cellphones), I got an irate message on my answering machine from a woman whose voice I'd never heard before. She said something like "I don't know who you are, you damned bitch, but I found your number in my husband's wallet! I know he's screwing around with you! I'm going to come over there and beat your damned ass!" She left her number and her name. So I called her back. I told her that I was very grateful for her call, and that I was going to be calling the police about her husband's obscene phonecall. I also told her that I had the tape of her threat, and that I'd pass it on to the police. She begged me not to make the call. I got her to promise to tear up the phone number and see to it that her husband never called me again, and left her alone. He never did call back.

How to deal with obscene calls

[bosssio.livejournal.com]

In highschool, I volunteered for a community helpline - taking calls from depressed, angry, sad folks, etc. Being made up of predominantly teenage girls, we got A LOT of obscene calls. We were trained to do the following:

*ring*
Listener (L): Community Helpline, this is X speaking, may I help you?
Obscene Caller (OC): what are you wearing? (or whatever he says which makes it clear it is an obscene call).

L: are you masterbating or do you plan to masterbate during this phone conversation?

The OC usually would be quite honest, telling us yes, my dick is in my hand or some such.

L: I am sorry, I cannot speak to you under these circumstances. Please call back if you are in crisis. *click*

a few years later, I was in college, living on a female floor in our dorms. Our telephone numbers were in a row (i.e. my neighbors number was 202-555-2001, mine 2002, etc .) so we would periodically get obscene callers calling each number in a row.

I was in my room watching a basketball game with a bunch of friends, most of whom I'd just met. I must have heard the phone ringing down the hall, because when mine rang, I *knew* it was an OC.

I picked up the phone, saying "hello?" The caller said "what are you wearing?"

I said "are you masterbating or do you plan to masterbate during this phone conversation?" He stammered "uh yeah". I replied, "I am sorry, I cannot speak to you under these circumstances. Please call back when you are in crisis". And hung up.

And found the entire room staring at me, stunned into silence.

It took a bit of explaining...

oh, and side note: I suspect it was the former president of American University who was on the phone -he was caught a few years later having made thousands of obscene calls and our college was a favorite target.

[aranel.livejournal.com]

An entire hallway of girls at my college got repeated obscene phone calls from "whisperer." He was a marginally clever type who would say things like "hey, it's me" to try to make girls believe it was their significant other calling for phone sex. And in one case, if rumor is true, it actually worked.

I also remember hearing about a caller who claimed to be doing a survey on spanking. If you stayed on the line he would progress from relatively professional-sounding questions like "Do you believe that spanking is an effective form of discipline for children?" to trying to get you to role-play a scenario with him.

[bosssio.livejournal.com]

oh, yeah, we'd get clever OCs at the helpline too.

One claimed to be a teenager being sexually abused by his mom (sometimes his sister - he called several times). The call started normally, but it progressed to graphic descriptions of the sex acts.

Another claimed to be concerned about the amount his daughter was being spanked by his wife - and again, devolved into sexually graphic descriptions.

The "tricksters" were much worse than the plain ole OCs. You'd get sucked into their story and then suddenly, when you thought you were helping, they'd scream "Oh God, I'm cumming!" or some such.

Yucky.

Re: How to deal with obscene calls

[telerib.livejournal.com]

I got one of those "numbers all in a row" calls in college, too. This guy was pretty clever. It was near Valentine's Day, and he told you that some friend of yours had bought you a V-Day present... of phone sex. It sounded vaguely plausible.

The fellow had, unfortunately for him, called while I was in the middle of two things (playing computer Solitare while waiting for my laundry to be done) and I had to be out the door in 15 minutes or so to do a fundraiser for my college club. I am cranky when I'm Doing Things and I get interrupted.

But, whatever, one of my guy friends probably thought this was funny or something and spent money on it. What the hell.

So he describes himself: Brown eyes, brown hair, muscular and "extremely well-hung." Did I like my men like that?

Silence. The question irritated me. It was far too general and he didn't give any information useful to answering it. "Well... I mean, I don't know. I don't really know you at all, or if we have anything in common. I really can't say, you know?"

Then he apologized, acknowledged that I clearly wasn't into this, and that he'd refund my friend's money. And hung up.

Later, I saw in the paper that it was a scam, and that he'd just been working down the phone numbers.

But what I really, really wished was that he'd gone for the "Tell me what you're wearing" line. Because the answer would have been: A white cotton undertunic, with a blue woolen sideless surcoat, circa 1300. My college club was an SCA chapter, and we were delivering roses and sonnets for Valentine's Day. :)

Re: How to deal with obscene calls

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

Hee. Awesome. :)

[papersky.livejournal.com]

It's icky, and I entirely sympathise. I hope you're quite over the shock of it now -- because it is a shock. I hope it wasn't a client.

I had a call very similar to that once, also in work, where I picked up with "Hello?" and was asked quite professionally "Who am I speaking to?" and I said "It's Jo, who did you want..." and he then said something obscene and specific and including my name, which was what really squicked me, whereupon I hung up and felt sick.

I had previously also volunteered on a helpline where we were taught how to deal with this stuff, and with abusive callers, and they never bothered me then, because it was in an expected context and I knew what to say. But after that call at work I felt quite phone-phobic for a while.