Teaching disability and sexuality.

[rivka]

Not posted to the OWL filter.

I know I have some very smart, very clued-in people with disabilities on my Friends List. I'm pleading with you to help me fix the one messed-up session in OWL, the grades 7-9 sex ed class I'm teaching. Feel free to point other friends here, if you think they may have helpful comments.

So, Session 7 of OWL is supposed to be about "Disability and Other Diversity Issues." And it's... not very good. It reads as if they knew they ought to have some disability awareness stuff in the curriculum, but didn't know enough about it - or weren't comfortable enough with it - to address it in a way that would be meaningful or engaging for the kids.

There's one good activity: a "What Would You Do" thing where the kids privately note how they'd respond to a variety of situations which might take them outside of their comfort zones, and then there's a group discussion of each scenarios. The scenarios include things like "a really attractive person in your neighborhood who has a very different religious life asks you out - what would you do?" and "you're looking for a seat in the cafeteria and see a group of classmates who are bilingual Haitians. As you get ready to join them, you notice that they're all speaking French. What would you do?" ...So that one's fine. I think it'll draw the kids in and spark some good discussion.

The other half of the session is devoted to a story: a personal account of a 17-year-old disabled girl talking, in detail, about her first romantic relationship and losing her virginity. We're supposed to read this lengthy story to the kids (you can read part of it here, if you do "search inside" for the phrase "Prince Charming") and then draw them into a discussion. As the OWL discussion guide condescendingly notes: "Antoine had a lot of exposure to people in wheelchairs. His knowledge and experience reduced his anxiety and fear and increased his comfort. He was able to see beyond the wheelchair to see the person - Ofelia. How wonderful!"

Okay, gag me.

Beyond the irritating discussion guide, though, the whole "activity" doesn't sit well with me. The passivity of it. The use of one person's experience to represent the entire world of disability. The, uh, lurid aspects of the story, which I think will embarrass our kids rather than teaching them anything. And the... I can't really express this well, but the way the whole segment is set up seems intended to evoke a sort of sickly-reverential "oooh, the things people like that have to deal with - she must be so strooooong" reaction. It doesn't seem like it gives the kids any kind of toehold to engage with disability issues in any kind of honest way.

So Adrian and I agreed to keep the "What Would You Do" activity and scrap the rest of the session. In its place, I want to present a different reading, or a couple of short readings, and a brief discussion/presentation of disability and sexuality issues. Then I want to do some Values Voting with the kids, since we did it last week and they loved the whole concept. In Values Voting, you designate parts of the room to mean "Strongly Agree," "Strongly Disagree," and the whole spectrum in between. You read out a statement, and the kids take up a physical position in the room that corresponds to their opinion. Then you draw out opinions from (hopefully) different parts of the spectrum.

Here's where I need your help:

1. I need readings. Anyone got anything they love? I knew I'd lent out my copy of With the Power of Each Breath years ago and never gotten it back, but I foolishly assumed that our library would have it. Nope.

2. I have three "Values Voting" statements. Please critique them, fix the wording, and suggest any better, or additional, ideas:

a) Mentally retarded people shouldn't have sexual contact, because they're not really able to give consent.
b) It's fine for disabled people to have children, even if the disability might be inherited.
c) Being in a relationship with someone who is seriously disabled would just be too hard. (Possible alternate wording: "It takes someone really special to be willing to have a relationship with a disabled person.")

I want to make this a good, engaging, educational experience for the kids. But I'm a little nervous about, um, how far inside I am on this issue. It makes it hard to know exactly what's going to be appropriate and helpful.

So... help?

Comments

[ladyotterfae.livejournal.com]

Having attempted to pass this along to my SO, who is in a wheelchair, for input, he has inquired as to how long a 'session' is. He's very active in student activities on his campus, and has access to rather scads of programs and activities for diversity and disability awareness, some of which might possibly be relevant.

Speaking for a more personal take on it, line c really hit me. I'm not entirely sure which way would be better for evoking the response/discussion you're looking for - it kind of depends, as someone else mentioned, whether they would be apt to get into a valuable discussion of _why_ they deem it "too hard" and what that means to different people, or it would be easier to go in through the positive door, and try to dissect why we put partners of disabled people on some sort of pedestal. I'm leaning towards the former, but I'm certainly not a teacher, and I don't know these kids or the rest of the curriculum.
I can, however, state emphatically that I have gotten rather sick of that attitude in my own life. *wrygrin* I hear "oh, I just wouldn't be able to handle that" from some of my closest friends, and others have tried to 'help' me by encouraging me to break up with my SO, or declared me to be "an angel" when I indicated that I had no intention of doing so, thank you very much.

I personally would really like to see not only a story from the perspective of someone in a wheelchair, or with some other notable physical disability, but a more realistic view from the other side. Because it _isn't_ easy. And you do have to see the person, not the disability. But phrasing it that rather preachy way just glosses over the realities, both of it being a relationship like any other, with strong and weak points, and the very real challenges of pairing with a disabled person - the activity restrictions, the strange looks, the special health considerations or extra worries, etc.

ahem. Sorry. Got a tad wordy. :) At any rate, if there's something in particular you're looking for, or need to flesh out an activity or some other tidbit, the boy is quite willing to see what he can find, if he knows the parameters and time restrictions you're working with.

[quiet000001.livejournal.com]

I can, however, state emphatically that I have gotten rather sick of that attitude in my own life. *wrygrin* I hear "oh, I just wouldn't be able to handle that" from some of my closest friends, and others have tried to 'help' me by encouraging me to break up with my SO, or declared me to be "an angel" when I indicated that I had no intention of doing so, thank you very much.

Yeah, this is the kind of thing I was talking about in my other comment.

Also, once when I was at university, one of my dorm-mates found out my SO was in a wheelchair, and blurted out "but how do you have sex?!?!" - at the time I was so gobsmacked I just said "how is that any of your business?" but later I wished I'd said "Creatively." Because that's the biggest component I've observed in having a relationship (sexual or otherwise) with someone who has disability issues (to whatever degree.) You just have to be willing to be creative and mentally flexible about your expectations of how things are going to happen and when and so on.

I mean, from a purely sexual point of view- there are how many positions in the Kama Sutra? Plus there's a lot of things you can do which have a sensual or sexual element which may not fall into the traditional concept of 'having sex'.

I don't know if it would fit into the framework of the lesson, but one thing I've noticed as someone who has gone out with folks who are visibly disabled (particularly when they're in a wheelchair) is the tendency of people to talk to the apparently able-bodied companion rather than the person in the chair. So that might be something to address somehow. Maybe a 'what would you do?' type thing?

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Also, once when I was at university, one of my dorm-mates found out my SO was in a wheelchair, and blurted out "but how do you have sex?!?!" - at the time I was so gobsmacked I just said "how is that any of your business?" but later I wished I'd said "Creatively."

OMG, yes. I had that exact same experience. And the person asking me was the head of our college's Women's Center, with really sophisticated feminist politics and heightened awareness of all kinds of oppression issues. Except, apparently, this one.

[quiet000001.livejournal.com]

Thing is, it IS a topic which should be discussed, because there may well be differences in how things work out- and if he'd asked differently I might have been more inclined to share.

But as it was, it was totally a "Wtf?!?!" moment.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

A "session" is 90 minutes long.

What would be incredibly helpful, if he can put his hands on something like this, would be short readings or first-person quotes about disability and sexuality. This isn't supposed to be so much a "disability awareness" class as much as a class that makes it clear that sexuality includes disabled people and others who are very different from our kids.

[ladyotterfae.livejournal.com]

I'll prod him and see if he can come up with anything. One would devoutly hope there is something out there somewhere that's decently written. If not, it's time it got written.