Mother of the year.
Jun. 25th, 2008 02:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rivkaNever in her whole life have I ever been this close to spanking my kid.
We went to the playground for a picnic and running around with friends. While I was packing up afterward to go home, Alex started running down the long long path to where we parked.
"Alex, wait for me," I called. She laughed and kept running. She kept laughing and running when I stopped what I was doing, stood up, and bellowed "No, stop now" at the top of my lungs, in my this-is-a-major-issue voice. She kept running when I came after her, still shouting for her to stop. She finally stopped about 100 yards away from where we'd started.
Not. Okay.
All I could think of as I came after her was spanking her. Instead I told her how angry I was, grabbed her firmly by the arm, and marched her back to where our things were. I ordered her to sit on the ground and not move while I packed up the rest of our picnic things and I tried to calm down a little. Then I got down at her level and told her, firmly and angrily, that the biggest safety rule our family has is that she STOP and COME BACK when she is told. She knows this rule. Breaking the rule is dangerous. I told her that I was very, very angry.
I held her firmly by the hand all the way down the long path to the car. She's not used to that. She tried saying that she didn't want me to hold her hand, and I told her that she had to have her hand held because I couldn't trust her to listen to my directions. We usually go at a meandering, flower-picking pace. Not this time.
I told her that we aren't going to go anywhere else today, and she's not going to play outside at all. She asked me if I was going to water the plants without her, and I told her that I was.
I am still so, so angry. And a part of me is still thinking that she'd take the whole thing a lot more seriously if I had hit her.
Other non-spanking parents, I could use a pep talk right now.
We went to the playground for a picnic and running around with friends. While I was packing up afterward to go home, Alex started running down the long long path to where we parked.
"Alex, wait for me," I called. She laughed and kept running. She kept laughing and running when I stopped what I was doing, stood up, and bellowed "No, stop now" at the top of my lungs, in my this-is-a-major-issue voice. She kept running when I came after her, still shouting for her to stop. She finally stopped about 100 yards away from where we'd started.
Not. Okay.
All I could think of as I came after her was spanking her. Instead I told her how angry I was, grabbed her firmly by the arm, and marched her back to where our things were. I ordered her to sit on the ground and not move while I packed up the rest of our picnic things and I tried to calm down a little. Then I got down at her level and told her, firmly and angrily, that the biggest safety rule our family has is that she STOP and COME BACK when she is told. She knows this rule. Breaking the rule is dangerous. I told her that I was very, very angry.
I held her firmly by the hand all the way down the long path to the car. She's not used to that. She tried saying that she didn't want me to hold her hand, and I told her that she had to have her hand held because I couldn't trust her to listen to my directions. We usually go at a meandering, flower-picking pace. Not this time.
I told her that we aren't going to go anywhere else today, and she's not going to play outside at all. She asked me if I was going to water the plants without her, and I told her that I was.
I am still so, so angry. And a part of me is still thinking that she'd take the whole thing a lot more seriously if I had hit her.
Other non-spanking parents, I could use a pep talk right now.
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no subject
Date: 2008-06-25 06:20 pm (UTC)Also, three year olds have no impulse control. They think it and then they do it. It's likely that this kind of behavior will not go away for a while. This is likely a lesson you're going to be teaching repeatedly, so maybe thinking about it when you're not so fresh and raw with the terror and anger, and figuring out how exactly you want to handle it when it comes up again, might be a good idea.
My older daughter was a runner. She'd run straight for the street, laughing all the way. And she very much resisted having her hand held. I strongly considered a child leash for a while, when getting to and from the car, because she absolutely would not stop, no matter what I said or did. I had to hold her hand or carry her whenever we were in a situation where she could run into the street for probably a year to 18 months. She did finally get it, after much discussion of what would happen if a car hit her. My younger is coming into that age where she's going to start, so I will also hold her hand or carry her, even if it's kicking and screaming.
Also, if Alex needs to run, or if she starts to do this kind of thing regularly, maybe a last run around the park at top speed might help her get the running impulse out in a safe space so she won't feel the need when it's not safe.