Mother of the year.
Jun. 25th, 2008 02:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rivkaNever in her whole life have I ever been this close to spanking my kid.
We went to the playground for a picnic and running around with friends. While I was packing up afterward to go home, Alex started running down the long long path to where we parked.
"Alex, wait for me," I called. She laughed and kept running. She kept laughing and running when I stopped what I was doing, stood up, and bellowed "No, stop now" at the top of my lungs, in my this-is-a-major-issue voice. She kept running when I came after her, still shouting for her to stop. She finally stopped about 100 yards away from where we'd started.
Not. Okay.
All I could think of as I came after her was spanking her. Instead I told her how angry I was, grabbed her firmly by the arm, and marched her back to where our things were. I ordered her to sit on the ground and not move while I packed up the rest of our picnic things and I tried to calm down a little. Then I got down at her level and told her, firmly and angrily, that the biggest safety rule our family has is that she STOP and COME BACK when she is told. She knows this rule. Breaking the rule is dangerous. I told her that I was very, very angry.
I held her firmly by the hand all the way down the long path to the car. She's not used to that. She tried saying that she didn't want me to hold her hand, and I told her that she had to have her hand held because I couldn't trust her to listen to my directions. We usually go at a meandering, flower-picking pace. Not this time.
I told her that we aren't going to go anywhere else today, and she's not going to play outside at all. She asked me if I was going to water the plants without her, and I told her that I was.
I am still so, so angry. And a part of me is still thinking that she'd take the whole thing a lot more seriously if I had hit her.
Other non-spanking parents, I could use a pep talk right now.
We went to the playground for a picnic and running around with friends. While I was packing up afterward to go home, Alex started running down the long long path to where we parked.
"Alex, wait for me," I called. She laughed and kept running. She kept laughing and running when I stopped what I was doing, stood up, and bellowed "No, stop now" at the top of my lungs, in my this-is-a-major-issue voice. She kept running when I came after her, still shouting for her to stop. She finally stopped about 100 yards away from where we'd started.
Not. Okay.
All I could think of as I came after her was spanking her. Instead I told her how angry I was, grabbed her firmly by the arm, and marched her back to where our things were. I ordered her to sit on the ground and not move while I packed up the rest of our picnic things and I tried to calm down a little. Then I got down at her level and told her, firmly and angrily, that the biggest safety rule our family has is that she STOP and COME BACK when she is told. She knows this rule. Breaking the rule is dangerous. I told her that I was very, very angry.
I held her firmly by the hand all the way down the long path to the car. She's not used to that. She tried saying that she didn't want me to hold her hand, and I told her that she had to have her hand held because I couldn't trust her to listen to my directions. We usually go at a meandering, flower-picking pace. Not this time.
I told her that we aren't going to go anywhere else today, and she's not going to play outside at all. She asked me if I was going to water the plants without her, and I told her that I was.
I am still so, so angry. And a part of me is still thinking that she'd take the whole thing a lot more seriously if I had hit her.
Other non-spanking parents, I could use a pep talk right now.
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no subject
Date: 2008-06-25 07:01 pm (UTC)But aside from the fact that I don't believe in hitting children (which I sometimes repeat to myself as a mantra), I try to remind myself that spanking wouldn't necessarily work. There's no research showing that spanking is a more effective discipline technique, and while I suppose spanking would definitely get the attention of a child who has never get hit, she may well focus more on what was done to her than what lesson she was supposed to take away. And the one time I did lose control in a mild way - she was unbuckling her carseat while the car was moving, and after some fairly unproductive yelling and trying to keep her hands off of the buckle (after I pulled the car over), I slapped her hand - it didn't work. She burst into tears and the struggle was over for the day, but it still periodically happens.
I think the punishment you chose is a good one that follows naturally from what she did. And unlike spanking, which is over in a few seconds, it lasts for the rest of the day and continues to teach her every time she wants to go out and can't. I think in the long run, that will be far more effective.