I am way too young for this conversation with my daughter.

[rivka]

Alex and I were talking about growing up. She plans to grow as big as Sarah who dyed her hair blue (this is the teen we chaperoned at SUUSI), and then stop growing. She was asking how big I am, and how big her father is. Then I asked,

Me: Do you think you'll have a baby grow inside you someday, when you grow up?
Alex: No, I don't want a baby.
Me: You know, that's totally up to you. You don't need to have a baby if you don't really want one.
Alex: But someone might give me a baby. A boy might send some sperm into my uterus.
Me: (utterly dying): Only if you say it's okay. If you don't want a baby, you can say no.
Alex: What if someone wants to, and I don't?
Me: Then you say, 'No. I don't want to.'
Alex: Oh. Okay.

Oh. My. God. I know she doesn't... she doesn't know what she's implying. She really doesn't. But oh my God.

Comments

[namedphoenix.livejournal.com]

...

Oh my god. And she's HOW old? I can't believe you were so composed when you said it.

And she really listens when you talk to her, and that she can use the vocabulary of conception with such PRECISION...this child will rule the world.

I don't know whether to congratulate you or be very very afraid. :)

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Nod. I think it's just "but how do I know sperm won't get inside me *accidentally*?"

I remember I went through a period of time (back when I thought a vagina was on a woman's hip, not between her legs) that you could have a baby accidentally, by just sleeping cuddled up and, oops, they woke up with his penis in her vagina!

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Congratulations! Your daughter now has better boundaries and better understanding of these matters than Sarah Palin's daughter does!

[pameladean]

I used to think like that, at a much more advanced age than Alex. It had nothing to do with adult notions of force; it was more like there must be some law of nature. It's hard to get your mind around all of how sex works until you get used to the idea. It's really pretty darn weird.

P.

[eeyorerin]

Oh my God, indeed.

When I was a teenager I used to sit for a family who had a little girl about Alex's age who had learned "My body, my choice" from her mom and who used to attempt to use it to win any argument, which led to me saying things like, "Yes, Ginna, it is your body and your choice and I respect your autonomy, but you still have to move your bike out of the driveway so it won't get run over when your mom comes home."

[kightp.livejournal.com]

She doesn't need to know what she's implying. She just needs to know that she gets to be the one who decides who has access to her body. Sounds like you've got that part covered.

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

You don't need to have a baby if you don't really want one.
Alex: What if someone wants to, and I don't?
Me: Then you say, 'No. I don't want to.'

How wonderful to be able to have this conversation with a three-year-old, and to have her grow up with all the implied choices and empowerment being fundamental. And someday, maybe her brother will ask questions like those and get those answers too.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's a pretty sobering conversation at any age.

Also? Go you.

[ailbhe]

Oh cripes. I'd be huddled in the corner in tears.

Well done. Very well done. And I hope it's a long, long time before she has any idea what she was implying.

[nex0s.livejournal.com]

FWIW: When I was little, my Mom was GREAT about telling me all about how babies are made, and I was still completely unsure about the whole "how the sperm gets inside" bit. I could totally imagine me saying something similar. It all just seemed so... mystical. Random.

N.