Borrowing trouble.

[rivka]

Went to church this morning - it was Springfest, which meant lots of songs and stories and people dressed up and adorable children in a dragon costume. As soon as we sat down, curiousangel called my attention to the list of upcoming services in the bulletin:

April 21 Fidelity in an Age of Pleasure Rev. John Manwell
In this seventh in our occasional series on the Ten Commandments, we ask what the commandment against adultery can mean for us in an era when we more and more justify the pursuit of pleasure. What shall be our ethic of sexuality?

Well.

This is, after all, a Unitarian church - it's a liberal faith. It embraces diversity. Our church in particular has a very strong LGBT outreach program. The whole basis of Unitarian-Univeralism is for members to support each other in our own spiritual journeys, recognizing that the paths we each take will be different. But. As we learned in the UU church in Iowa City, when we said we wanted to be married by saoba, Wiccan priestess... there are hidden illiberalities.

We talked about it, tentatively, in the car on the way home. Neither one of us is much inclined to the Big Speech method of coming out; we'd always intended to eventually be out at church, but we wanted it to happen naturally as people knew us better. And yet I found that I really didn't like the idea of sitting in a pew listening to a sermon about monogamy being the sine qua non of fidelity. Misha is hopeful that the sermon will focus on the true meaning of fidelity - being true to the vows one has made - and won't equate fidelity and monogamy. I don't know. I wish I thought I could be sure.

At this point, we're thinking that we'll e-mail Rev. Manwell and ask him if he can find time to meet with us before next Sunday. But I'm uncomfortable about doing this now. It feels rushed, and it's also... well. If we're not welcome because we're poly, that's something we need to know. And yet it's something I'd hate to find out, because I feel so happy there.

Gosh.

Comments

Re:

[rivka.livejournal.com]

But you are faithful, just not monogamously so.

That's how we look at it too. We exchanged rings "in token of my faithfulness and love," and understood that to mean that we intended to keep faith in our vows.

And I'm sorry that the Iowa City church wasn't willing to let you be married by the person you wanted. :/ She rocks, and I'd have her marry me in a heartbeat.

Yeah, we left the church and got married in the college chapel instead. saoba did a lovely job, and if you ever do get married I recommend her wholeheartedly.