Well, that was humiliating.

[rivka]

Ironically, I was feeling vastly better for most of today. I've been going to work since Friday, but today I actually felt like I had a reasonable amount of energy rather than sitting at my desk exhausted. I felt normal. That lifted my spirits dramatically.

In the late afternoon I started to have a little shortness of breath, so I reached for my inhaler. I took a puff and started to cough. Then I coughed more and more. I realized that something was way wrong and jumped to my feet, but I only made it to the living room doorway before I started to throw up. Extensively. In front of Michael and both kids, who were desperate (Michael), loudly revolted (Alex), and freaked out (Colin).

Michael managed to get a trash can to me before it was too late to be of any use at all. He started a video to keep Colin out of the way and brought some rags, which I used to do an initial mopping-up. Then, while he mopped the floor, I went down to the basement laundry to take off all my clothes and start them and the rags washing in hot water.

At that precise moment, the doorbell rang. It was wcg, come to dinner while the house still reeked and I was naked and filthy in the basement. He was very kind about the whole thing, but OMG this was not a situation which I wanted to subject company to. He awesomely stayed and kept the kids entertained while necessary things like showering and bleaching the trash can and rewashing stuff took place.

I didn't cough anymore. I just felt disgusting and humiliated and revolting and like an awful scourge to my family.

At bedtime Alex declared that she would like her father to put her to bed. And then she said calmly, "Mom, I have a little secret to share with you. I like Dad better than I like you."

Well. Thank you, honey. That was just what this evening fucking needed.

Comments

[kcobweb.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I hope you get better soon.

[shandra.livejournal.com]

The time I did that I had pertussis (and yes I was vaxed, but like a lot of the adult population, I hadn't had a booster in a while). I feel your pain. Mine was on a subway - I made it off just in time but ohhh it was embarrassing.

[going-not-gone.livejournal.com]

Oh, that sounds dreadful. I hope you feel better soon.

And I still like you. *hugs* Alex will too.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

You are not a scourge to your family, nor are you disgusting in the slightest. You are very sick and need more support than your support network has been able to give you so far.

Your daughter has reacted in an extremely irritating but age-appropriate way. Dammit.

[txanne.livejournal.com]

I agree.

[mme-hardy.livejournal.com]

^^^ What she said.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

I fully understand that no one will believe me after this post, but seriously, I am genuinely not very sick now. It wasn't even an especially prolonged or violent bout of coughing - it just hit me exactly the wrong way.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Also, this comment may have the highest adverb:sentence ratio I have ever achieved.

[redbird]

*giggle*

Other than that, I have nothing more useful to say than that I hope nothing like this happens again, ever.

[mizchalmers.livejournal.com]

People, she's vomiting adverbs! We need an editor over here, stat!

In other news, you remain my favourite Rivka on the entire Internets.

[puzzlement.livejournal.com]

Still, there's not particularly sick and there's that one instant of pure horror.

I've coughed until vomiting a few times... and so, informed sympathy. It sucks. I hope you feel totally well soon.

[wiredferret.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey. That sucks. And it's embarrassing.

I think the hardest thing about being a parent is not having time for self-pity.

[boxofdelights]

I want that on a t-shirt.

[eeyorerin]

Oh dear. That's awful. I've coughed so hard that I've vomited before, but at least I was alone during the process. I would like to have died if it happened in front of company.

I hope you feel better. I hope Alex grows out of this stage before selling her to the circus seems like a good idea.

[mme-hardy.livejournal.com]

Oh, *bless* you. What a thoroughly rotten day for you to have. Someday you will look back on this and knock back a fifth of vodka in one gulp.

Meantime, I give you permission to start threatening Alex with being thrown to the dinosaurs. She's old enough to get the concept of pretend-threats, and it's a good way to vent steam.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

I was happy to see you, sorry you felt bad, and wishing I could do something to help you feel better. There was nothing disgusting or revolting about you.

As for Alex... I suspect her opinion will evolve over time. Though I'm a bit surprised that she doesn't realize how hurtful her remark could be.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

She did hint pretty broadly that my ranking in the polls could increase if I cut out things like math and handwriting from our homeschooling.

Kidding, kidding.

[mme-hardy.livejournal.com]

You could put up a scoreboard in the kitchen. Everybody would have a little magnet with their photos and a rating of 1-10. When Alex tore a book, you would move her magnet down. When she said "I love you, Mommy!" that would rate 1/2 point. And you and your husband could rate each other!

I see no possible downside to this plan.

Re: Kidding, kidding.

[eeyorerin]

My mom and my siblings and I used to joke that her "mom points" went up if she did things like bring home donuts on Saturday mornings, but I don't think we ever thought of taking them away...

[wcg.livejournal.com]

I'd wondered if there might be something like that going on.

[ailbhe]

Ha! Ha! That's a large part of why Rob is in charge of toothbrushing now.

[womzilla.livejournal.com]

It is a never-ending miracle that any human ever lives to adulthood.

I am so sorry for your continuing lung problems and all the attendant special effects.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Oh, darlin'... I get that feeling, and it sucks. I hope you're sleeping peacefully now, and wake up feeling completely un-scourge-like.

Um. Have I ever mentioned just how close to depressed I get when I'm just plain tired? For me, there's a direct memory link, so it's natural - but I reckon there's probably a connection for ordinary folks. Please watch those ugly self thoughts, and don't believe them.

[brainwane (from livejournal.com)]

I didn't know it was possible to sympathize this hard, but omg you have my superlative sympathies.

[acceberskoorb.livejournal.com]

This is so very extremely horrible I don't know whether to cry or to laugh. Please know that if a giggle did escape (AND I'M NOT SAYING IT DID!) it was only because I am so certain that something similarly awful awaits me, lurking in my children's childhoods, ready to pounce when I least expect it. (Though while we're on the subject, remind me to tell you about my first "date" sometime.)

But seriously, can I do anything for you? We're in town for the holiday and the weekend if you need anything, just drop me a line.

[ailbhe]

Oh gawd. How horrible for you. Emer coughed herself sick a few times - and, as you say, wasn't very ill with it, just the cough went funny - and it's obviously absolutely no fun at all. And these things are almost always worse for grownups.

I'm glad someone was there to help while you focused on looking after yourself. I hope you feel enough better soon to realise that no-one else finds you disgusting or risible (except Alex, who frankly doesn't count; you're her mother so if she's going to be really horrible about ANYONE it's you).

And maybe Michael can have a little talk to Alex about being basically polite and kind and not saying mean things; I know a mother who did when her child was saying similar things about their father.

And maybe for Christmas you should ask for a day in bed, in your own house with all your books, internet connection, chocolates, fresh fruit, etc, while everyone else goes out for the WHOLE DAY and paid cleaners take care of any housework you might otherwise feel obliged to get up and do.

[green-knight.livejournal.com]

<Hugs>

That definitely falls under the heading of 'day gone wrong'.

As someone who discovered 'projectile vomiting' late in life (and has no intentions of ever repeating that experience but suspects she will) I have every sympathy for you.

Please be nice to yourself. When your kids throw up, you don't consider _them_ to be disgusting, either. Maybe you could remind Alex that you've been wiping up after her often enough.

[tammylc.livejournal.com]

*hugs* That sounds completely awful.

Liam is a momma's boy, and I've had to talk to him a lot about it not being appropriate or nice for him to tell his father that he likes me more than him. Ugh - it's interesting how even pretty empathetic kids like Liam and Alex have trouble with that one...

[chargirlgenius.livejournal.com]

*Hands you mug of honeyed tea*

*Hands you strong hot toddy*

I cough forever well after I’m not sick anymore, so I understand where you're at. I think I even cracked a rib one time.

[bosssio.livejournal.com]

my coughing/vomiting experience. Walking down the street in Old Town Alexandria with some workmates, chatting away, having a great time, and I inhaled a dandelion seed (you know, the fluffy ones that float in the wind).

I coughed until I threw up several times. In front of my workmates and the entire street. It was horrible.

But it happens. At least you didn't pee yourself due to coughing which may or may not have happened to me...

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

I don't think I've ever coughed until I've thrown up, although I have coughed to the point of gagging more than once.

On the other, ah, hand, I did once simultaneously have a respiratory bug with cough and a stomach bug with diarrhea, with the predictable unpleasant results.

Rivka, you have my sympathy, and I hope you continue to feel better.

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

Aie. Much sympathy. I have done something similar in the bast. Not fun, not fun. Be gentle with yourself.

[ricevermicelli.livejournal.com]

Oh, I am so sorry! That sounds awful. You would think that not-that-sick would have the grace not to involve copious vomiting.

And I'm sorry that Alex was five at you while you were down - there's no fairness there. I agree that I expect her opinion to evolve. Possibly before the end of the week.

[papersky.livejournal.com]

Even in Australia.

You could say "Me too!" I don't know if that would work, but it would at least be a possibly workable response? Or "Yes, Daddy absolutely rocks!" I mean it might be true and it would be perfectly OK if she did like Michael more than she liked you, as long as she still liked you a lot -- the problem is her saying it to be hurtful and divisive, and if she sees it works, she'll keep right on with it. And you can't outright say you like Daddy better than her, because that's probably half of why she's doing it, but a bit of general enthusiasm about Daddy might be worth a try?

Z once as a little kid coughed until he threw up. We went straight to the doctor, who looked at us like we were mad and told us that people do that sometimes, keep on with the cough medicine, it's not a big deal. Neither of us had ever done it, but apparently it's not a big deal, except for the carpet cleaning. We had a stain on the carpet forever until we sold the house because we didn't do it right away, we went to the doctor right away... Gah. Get well soon.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

I asked her, gently, how she would feel if Michael or I told her that we liked Colin better than her. She looked a little stunned and told me that she wouldn't like it at all. Well, neither did I. I said that all kids have times that they prefer one parent over the other, and that's normal and fine. But it's mean to say so.

She then went on to explain that because Daddy sees her less he does more of the fun things with her, and for example, she hates when we do math and handwriting. I got the impression that I could improve my standings if I promised to never teach anything but history. Which, frankly, is a little tempting.

[txobserver.livejournal.com]

Please feel better. Nothing is more exhausting than having two young children and working, and getting sick just trumps that.

I well remember how awful it made me feel when my kids occasionally said "I hate you" or some other mean thing when they were growing up. Just remember that Alex is able to say that to you because she utterly trusts you and your love for her. And she will be back in a thoughtful and loving mood before you know it.

[ratphooey.livejournal.com]

Sometimes they pick just the right moment to say just the wrong thing.

It's a good thing we love them so.

Feel better soon.

[namedphoenix.livejournal.com]

boo on that! Glad you are feeling better from the sickness, at least.

I'll never understand why it seems like all kids go through that "say hurtful things in all innocence" phase. We do our best to teach them manners, and then in raw moments, they can be so unthinking. I'm sure you're well into taking care of the situation, but good luck with it anyway!

[mme-hardy.livejournal.com]

Actually, I don't think it's "in all innocence". It's part and parcel of toddler and young-child testing, checking out the bounds, finding what happens. It's no different from looking straight at you before dropping the bowl full of cereal on the floor.

It *is* intended to hurt, but the child doesn't realize how much it will hurt. And, of course, it is in no way true.

[namedphoenix.livejournal.com]

I hadn't thought about it that way. I'm a high school teacher, and I know those "testing" behaviors better. Course, if I worked anymore with the REALLY hard kids, I'm sure they'd do the same sort of behavior, except instead of the bowl of cereal, they'd be flipping me the bird.

[beaq.livejournal.com]

Oh, lordy lordy lord.

If I'm smiling at all, and I'm not saying I am, it's because your pacing is impeccable. As is Alex's timing.