Miscellaneous notes.

[rivka]

o We looked at a house today that I love. Huge, full of light (there's a central light well with a spiral staircase, and big skylights in the roof, and the second and third story rooms open up to the light well), hot tub in the finished part of the basement, eat-in kitchen with lots and lots of cupboards, ginormous master bedroom/sitting room, gorgeous master bath with another skylight, fireplace in the (admittedly teensy) living room, big deep bay window (the house used to be a storefront)... I. LOVE. It.

What the hell do we do now?

o curiousangel and I finally bought the DVD player we'd agreed to give each other for Christmas, and joined Netflix. Our first movies arrived today. We just finished watching Lilo and Stitch. I bawled my head off. I was charmed by his admission that he cried and cried the first time he saw it, too. This is what makes him consummately marriage material.

o When it comes to comfort food, simpler is better. We had beef stew for dinner: a pound of chuck beef, cubed, seared in a little bit of olive oil. A small onion, two very large potatoes, two handfuls of halved baby carrots, two handfuls of quartered mushrooms, a can of beef broth, water to cover, a bay leaf, a generous amount of black pepper, added to the beef and cooked for an hour. Mmmm, stew.

o Oooooh, Lilo! I'm totally in love.

o More serious topics later, I promise. I've been wanting to write some things about forgiveness - we're submitting a grant proposal, a therapy study involving people with end-stage AIDS who have "unfinished business" with important others in their lives. In the process of preparing a pitch letter for the granting agency, I came across a lot of stuff about definitions of forgiveness, and distinctions between forgiveness and related concepts (e.g., forgiveness is not reconciliation, or forgetting, or condoning, or excusing, or...). I've struggled with how to conceptualize forgiveness, in my clinical practice, and I found this material fascinating. I want to post about it.

But not after half a bottle of wine.

Comments

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

What the hell do we do now?

get yourselves to a mortgage banker. shoo! shoo!

if you've got money saved up for a down payment, i bet you and the banker can figure out a way to afford it. (if you don't have a down payment saved, it is my humble opinion that it is just a shortcut to heartbreak to look at beautiful houses with skylights.)

Re:

[rivka.livejournal.com]

We have some money for a down payment. But we were thinking more about buying this summer, after we'd investigated some things (like "how's our credit these days?") and refinanced student loans and figured out just how you buy a house anyway.

This is scary as hell. But such a house! And very affordable.

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

buying a house is easier than you think. nathan and i managed it in three days i kid you not. saw it on saturday, our very first day of looking, and signed papers on tuesday.

the banker can help you check your credit.

go on! you know you want to!

actually, the first thing: decide if you want this house. if you do, you can make it happen. bankers are very helpful, and so are realtors. (i assume you have one, yes?)

[kightp.livejournal.com]

Ditto what kalmn said. Mortgage rates are really good right now and the market is slow; that could change by summer. A mortgage broker can hold your hand through figuring out what you can afford, what you can get, etc. They're pretty tightly regulated, so as long as you go with a reputable company, you'll be fine.

And if you don't have a buyer's agent, get one. The seller's agent will be amazingly friendly, but they work for the seller and it's their responsibility to get them the best price they can. A buyer's agent works for you and is legally responsible for helping you get the best deal for your money. Their fees come out of the closing costs - you won't even feel them.

I was scared spitless of buying a house; I was just a year out of paying off my bankruptcy and went into it figuring "no way."

You've seen the house. (-:

[nsingman.livejournal.com]

If you really like it, and it is affordable, then why wait until this summer (unless you have a lease you can't break, and perhaps even then)? Someone else may like it too, and snap it up. As for the homebuying process itself, the hardest part is gearing up to sign your name dozens of times at the closing. The rest is easy, and taken care of mostly by the bank and/or your attorney.

It looks very nice in the picture (and I'd be amazed to find anything around here close to that and under $250K). Good luck with whatever you decide!

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I loved loved loved loved Lilo and Stitch. Though the space people thing was cheesy, I loved having strong female characters with big thighs. I loved having the boy not rescue a girl. I loved the emphasis on family. And I loved how much Stitch was like DJ -- couldn't deal with water, ate everything in sight, fairly anti-social . . . ;)

[geminigirl]

What a fantastic house! It's just beautiful.

And I can't wait to read what you've written about forgiveness

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Buy it! It's so incredibly cheap... only $185K. It sounds lovely.

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

Thus speaks a man who lives in the SF Bay Area :).
But you're right, it's incredibly cheap, and sounds beautiful!
Go for it, Rivka! It's the things you *don't* do that you regret!

Re:

[rivka.livejournal.com]

curiousangel is nervous about buying almost the first house we've seen. I mean, we've gone to open houses, but this is the first house we've really seriously considered.

Also: I don't know how to buy a house! Eeeek!

[ex-helygen254.livejournal.com]

Neither do I, but I managed it (okay, mine's a condo-to-be). I got a mortgage approved without any financial help, and got a lawyer, and did all sorts of scary grownup things. I'm quite proud of doing that.

I also knew that I didn't really know what I was doing, so asked family and friends who knew the process for some advice and moral support. I'm quite proud of doing that too.

I have faith that you two can do it.

As for it being the first you've seriously considered, there's nothing wrong with that. You have an idea of what you want; this fits. You can afford it. You have looked at other places even if you weren't seriously considering them, so you have an idea of what's out there.

You. LOVE. It.

As a start, it sounds like a good match to me.

How will you feel if you pass up the opportunity?

[If you get it, I might just apply for that housegirl position. ;) ]

[kightp.livejournal.com]

Mine was the first one I saw, too. Sometimes you just *know*.

[rmjwell.livejournal.com]

When in doubt, take a look at Nolo Press (http://www.nolopress.com/lawcenter/index.cfm/catID/AAFB97A1-F23E-4D6F-98DBD8C64C478126/subcatid/912DD28B-1329-4CEB-9E4FF25438CB52DF).

[starstraf.livejournal.com]

1)Do you have a bank you like that you have a good relationship with? Make an appmt and find out about how much you can afford, how your credit rating looks and getting pre-approved.

2) Find a buyers-agent, preferably someone that you have referals about.

3)About that place (or any place) in particular. Are there rules for the building, and can you live with them if there are. Talk to the neighbors

Online Info
Mortgage 101 (http://nt.mortgage101.com/)
Homefair (http://www.homefair.com) info
Realtor (http://www.realtor.com/) info
What RJ said about Nolo

[littlestllama.livejournal.com]

For interesting insights on forgiveness, see also the South African Truth and Reconciliation movement. It's not about making things better. It's about talking about what happened.

Re:

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Goodness, you're a precocious little thing! Not even born yet, and already juggling weighty issues. Your mama must do that thing where she reads improving materials to you through a stethoscope.

In fact, I ran across a lot of literature about the South African Truth and Reconciliation movement when I was looking for research on forgiveness. It's been much studied.

[wiredferret.livejournal.com]

Heh. I can tell I'll have to get better about my personality splits.

[mittelbar.livejournal.com]

Gah!

Haus.

[baratron.livejournal.com]

I don't know how house-buying works over there, but over here you don't get the surveyor's report until you're some way down the line - until your offer has been accepted, but before you exchange contracts, if I recall correctly. The mortgage company decide if they want to loan you money, and then assign you a surveyor to decide whether or not it would be sensible to loan money for that house. You can also get an independent surveyor in (I'm pretty sure my parents always get their own surveyor as well). You don't want to fall in love with the house, and find after you've exchanged contracts that it has some major structural flaw which you'll have to spend money out-of-pocket to fix. Getting another surveyor to report is easier and cheaper than trying to sue the first surveyor for not finding something.

Of course, none of this may apply to the US system.

[elusis.livejournal.com]

If you can tolerate his overly academic writing style, Ivan Boszormenyi-Nagy (think I got that right... searching on Nagy will turn him up) developed a school of family therapy called contextual therapy based on ideas of justice, trust, fairness, and forgiveness of the mistakes of earlier generations (which he called "exoneration"). He felt that by learning to see your parents as flawed humans, and coming to understand why they made the mistakes they made (leaving you with a sense of "destructive entitlement" for past injustices), you could learn to behave in more meritorious and just ways with your own partner and children. Might be interesting reading as you're developing your ideas, which I think are terrific BTW.a