rivka

We've started running subjects for our study on coping and immune function in HIV. Because we're asking a lot of our subjects, and because we're trying to make the study as clean and rigorous as possible, we have a long list of inclusion/exclusion criteria. We've currently rejected about twice as many people as we've actually enrolled.

And a good thing, too. For example, here are two conversations I had today. ( Read more... )

This is why I tell our research assistants, repeatedly, "No one has a right to be in our study. We're not providing a treatment that it would be unfair to deny people access to. So, even if someone passes the exclusion criteria? If they're a big enough jerk that you don't want to have to deal with them every six months for the next three years, go ahead and reject them."

Although sometimes it's sad that the converse isn't true. Like the very sweet, likeable woman who told me, with justifiable pride, that she'd been clean for ten weeks - I hated having to tell her that it wasn't good enough. It seemed as though she was on a path that was hard enough already without a stranger telling her she didn't measure up. But maybe in a couple of months, she'll come back and enroll.

Ninety people enrolled in our study so far, and I've interviewed at least half of them myself. Other than the guy who stole my phone - a fair-sized exception, I'll admit - I haven't really had any trouble. In particular, I've been getting through some pretty damn explicit questions about subjects' sex lives, without any problems beyond waiting through some nervous giggling.

I had been, anyway. Whatever luck or calm clinical demeanor was protecting me, it's worn off. Damn it.

Friday:
In the course of explaining to me why it is that he hasn't had sex recently, a subject says "I still have thoughts. I mean, I'm having them about you right now."
Me (instantly): "Let's leave me out of this."
Him: "What?! You have to know that every guy who comes in here is thinking those thoughts about you. Are you telling me that you don't have those feelings?"
Me: (fixes him with the steely glare of no-more-of-this-buddy)
Him: "Don't you?"
Me: "Let's go back to my question. What are some of the reasons why you haven't had sex? You say you still have sexual interests."
Him: (gives an actual answer to the question.)

Today:
Me: "Have you had any other sexual transmitted diseases besides HIV, like gonorrhea, syphillis, chlamydia? Do you have herpes? Do you get warts around your penis?"
Him: "No. I do have a bump on it. Do you want to see it?"
Me: "No, I don't want to see it. That sounds like something you should show your doctor."
Him: (agreeably) "Okay. I'll tell my doctor about it, because, you know, it could be something serious."
Me: "That sounds like a good idea. Okay, moving on..."

But the guy kept shifting around, adjusting himself, sticking his hands into his (very loose) pants. I think he was getting aroused by the interview, which is bad enough, except then suddenly I looked up and his penis was sticking up over the top of his pants.

Me: (looking down at my questionnaire, speaking firmly.) "Put it away, please."
Him: "Oh! I'm sorry, Rebecca." (re-adjusts clothes.) (answers more questions; says a little later) "I'm sorry my penis was showing, Rebecca. I have to get some new pants."

For. God's. Sake. Two subjects in two days. Practically two in a row.

Neither one of these guys was really playing with a full deck. I actually don't think that the first guy was trying to get a rise out of me - he was trying to answer my question, in a misguided way, and he got off on an inappropriate sidetrack. The second guy... not so sure. He's on some heavy psych meds, and it was hard for me to read him. I don't know if he was actually out-of-it enough not to notice what was going on, or if he was deliberately exposing himself to me and then playing innocent. At any rate, I truncated the interview because I didn't feel comfortable continuing to ask him sex-related questions.

But even if neither one of them was trying to upset me or be overtly sexual towards me: Ick. Ick. Both situations were really unpleasant. And today, I was even a little scared - in that first minute when I looked up and saw his penis, and didn't know how things were going to go.

I don't want to do this anymore. I know, most of the men I've interviewed have been perfectly appropriate, but all I can think of is that I want to ask Lydia to let me take a break from data collection for a while. But there's no one else to do it. I'm sure Lydia and Lauren don't want to look at subjects' penises either.

Argh.