I am the biggest bitch in the world.

[rivka]

Rivka: Good morning.
Health Club Clerk: Oh, good for you, you made it in.
Rivka: [silently wonders why this is news]
Health Club Clerk: [takes membership card to scan] I have a friend, she's got multiple sclerosis, and she blah blah blah.
Rivka: Why are you telling me this?
Health Club Clerk: [says more things about her friend with multiple sclerosis]
Rivka: [slightly louder] Why are you telling me this?
Health Club Clerk: Well... what do you have?
Rivka: That's a personal question. That's none of your business.
Health Club Clerk: Oh. But I just...
Rivka: [firmly] It's a very rude question. [walks away]
Health Club Clerk: [calling after her] I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt your feelings!
Rivka: [calling back] You didn't "hurt my feelings," you made me angry.
Health Club Clerk: Ma'am, ma'am, please come here. Please accept my apology.
Rivka: [alarmed] Okay, just... okay, don't cry.
Health Club Clerk: [crying] I am going to cry. I've had a really bad day, and...
Rivka: Look, I'm sorry you've had a bad day, but...
Health Club Clerk: Please, please say you accept my apology.
Rivka: Fine. I accept your apology. Okay.

Sheesh.

Comments

[fairoriana.livejournal.com]

It's really hard for people without disabilities to know how to react to people who do. You don't want to just ignore their difference, you definitely don't want to ignore them, but you also don't want to do what this clerk did.

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

aw, man. sucks to have made her cry, sucks to have had her be so rude in the first place.

[rmjwell.livejournal.com]

Gah.

They'll let anyone deal wth the public these days.

[geminigirl]

Sheesh.

When I was a kid, we were told repeatedly "don't stare"-and it seems to me that she did the equivalent. It's like..."Boundary violation-ten point penalty."

Her behavior really crossed the line and was inappropriate. You weren't being a bitch...you were responding to someone's inappropriate behavior. I hope you spoke to a supervisor/manager about it-bad day or not.

[ororo.livejournal.com]

I think she meant well and acted in ignorance. I'm sure she won't attempt anything like it ever again.

[patgreene.livejournal.com]

It was terribly inappropriate. But I do sort of feel sorry for her. She may have been clueless, and stupid, and rude, but she was not malicious.

[saoba.livejournal.com]

Her friend has MS.

She, on the other hand has MLC (Massive Lack of Clueness) and OTTS (Over The Top Syndrome). However, with appropriate treatment and a lot of hard work on her part, one day she may be able to lead a nearly normal life.

[therealjae.livejournal.com]

Wow. They're everywhere these days, aren't they?

-J

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

Sheesh is right.

But you already know that no one teaches manners anymore.

B

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

It sounds like someone freaked out by visible physical problems, who is still too wrapped up in "not doing the wrong thing" to realize that she's being super-self-conscious (which comes across as "It's all about MEEEE!", even though it's not intentional), and probably condescending, or... or something.

She's trying to show how much she *cares* about folks with disabilities by talking about her friend with MS, because, geez, you must notice how she *feels* (Note: *HER* perception is that you must notice how she feels, since it's so obvious... to her. When feelings are huge inside you, it feels like there's a flipping *BILLBOARD* over your head, sometimes), nervous and a little freaked out, and she doesn't want you to think she *dislikes* people who have disabilities, or whatever.

You're definitely not the biggest bitch in the world; you weren't being a bitch at all. (Just in case you weren't completely joking out that.) She was just (I'm guessing) wound tighter than an overwound clockspring over something that you don't have any control over. It's not your fault. It's a shame she's freaked out, but, in the end, that's something she's going to have to deal with on her own.

[roadnotes.livejournal.com]

That was incredibly rude and inappropriate behavior. If I were you, I'd probably write a letter to the management, politely observing that that sort of intrusive conversation is not acceptable. And tears would have had no effect on me.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

If nothing else, it sounds like you've managed to get across to her that she doesn't get to tag you with sainthood. (She probably got a lot more out of it besides, but what a thing to have to deal with during a workout -- there ought to be "ambassador/tokenizing-free zones".)

[pecunium.livejournal.com]

No, you're not.

I've had variations on this kind of conversation. We live in a confessional age, and lots of people don't seem to believe in privacy.

There are a number of things, because of what I do, which people ask me... some (like what kinds of torture I prefer/think work best) get a fairly stock, and more polite/educational/lecturing, than not, answer.

Some get, "That's none of your business." It is amazing to me the number of people who then tell me it is.

Admittedly, at that point they aren't trying to be friendly... but even if they were, that doesn't excuse it.

If she wanted to apologise, she needed to know that it might be painful... she assumed she hurt your feelings (why she thinks her presumption is going to do anything other than annoy/anger you, I've no idea... but then I happen to be a fan of letting people be, and never know what to do about asking after friends disabilities, much less strangers... at Walter Reed it was easy... we had something in common, but outside of that... sheesh) she had to be willing to face those feelings, or just let you walk away.

I'm sorry she had a bad day. I'm sorry her pissing you off made it worse, but she did it. It wasn't your fault she was rude, and it wasn't wrong to tell her so.

TK

[edschweppe.livejournal.com]

Well, first off, I'd have to say that there's nothing in the main narrative to support the claim that you're "the biggest bitch in the world". Heck, I don't see anything to support your claiming to be any grade of bitch. The Health Club Clerk of Cluelessness asked you personal questions in a remarkably rude way. You became angry, and told her so in what I'd call an entirely appropriate manner. She then tried to ram her "apologies" down your throat and you accepted them. Personally, I think Miss Manners (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/style/columns/missmanners/) [1] would have been proud.

But I wasn't there, so I suppose I'll just have to take your word for it that you're "the biggest bitch in the world". I'd completely forgotten that you'd had hip-replacement surgery until your Respectful of Otters (http://respectfulofotters.blogspot.com/2004_07_01_respectfulofotters_archive.html#109059992550481088) post on the subject. None of your userpics are of an obviously handicapped person, so my mental picture of you didn't include any sort of disability. Maybe you are in fact "the biggest bitch in the world", and I just didn't realize it.

Or maybe not.

[1] FYI, the Washington Post may or may not be requiring a free registration to get at the Miss Manners archives. I'm registered on their site, so I can't easily tell.

Not a public resource

[(Anonymous)]

I have MS and a gym membership--and that doesn't oblige me (or you, in a similar situation) to serve as a public resource on either of those topics, or on the combination thereof.

If friends ask, I'll usually answer. When I got together with an old college friend this Spring, after conversation on other subjects, she hesitantly said "Can I ask you a personal question?" When I said yes, she asked me for hints and advice on what to do, and not do, with/for her cousin who has recently been diagnosed with MS. I gave a few; including "Don't panic", the comment that she was doing the right thing by not expecting her cousin to be a general-purpose MS information resource; and not to burden her cousin with having to reassure other people about her disease. She's newly diagnosed, she needs to be reassured, not to have to reassure everyone she knows.

But she knew that it was a somewhat personal question ("somewhat" because she wasn't asking for details of my symptoms, emotions, or coping strategies), and she was prepared to take "no" for an answer.