I am the biggest bitch in the world.
Jul. 26th, 2004 11:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Rivka: Good morning.
Health Club Clerk: Oh, good for you, you made it in.
Rivka: [silently wonders why this is news]
Health Club Clerk: [takes membership card to scan] I have a friend, she's got multiple sclerosis, and she blah blah blah.
Rivka: Why are you telling me this?
Health Club Clerk: [says more things about her friend with multiple sclerosis]
Rivka: [slightly louder] Why are you telling me this?
Health Club Clerk: Well... what do you have?
Rivka: That's a personal question. That's none of your business.
Health Club Clerk: Oh. But I just...
Rivka: [firmly] It's a very rude question. [walks away]
Health Club Clerk: [calling after her] I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt your feelings!
Rivka: [calling back] You didn't "hurt my feelings," you made me angry.
Health Club Clerk: Ma'am, ma'am, please come here. Please accept my apology.
Rivka: [alarmed] Okay, just... okay, don't cry.
Health Club Clerk: [crying] I am going to cry. I've had a really bad day, and...
Rivka: Look, I'm sorry you've had a bad day, but...
Health Club Clerk: Please, please say you accept my apology.
Rivka: Fine. I accept your apology. Okay.
Sheesh.
Health Club Clerk: Oh, good for you, you made it in.
Rivka: [silently wonders why this is news]
Health Club Clerk: [takes membership card to scan] I have a friend, she's got multiple sclerosis, and she blah blah blah.
Rivka: Why are you telling me this?
Health Club Clerk: [says more things about her friend with multiple sclerosis]
Rivka: [slightly louder] Why are you telling me this?
Health Club Clerk: Well... what do you have?
Rivka: That's a personal question. That's none of your business.
Health Club Clerk: Oh. But I just...
Rivka: [firmly] It's a very rude question. [walks away]
Health Club Clerk: [calling after her] I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt your feelings!
Rivka: [calling back] You didn't "hurt my feelings," you made me angry.
Health Club Clerk: Ma'am, ma'am, please come here. Please accept my apology.
Rivka: [alarmed] Okay, just... okay, don't cry.
Health Club Clerk: [crying] I am going to cry. I've had a really bad day, and...
Rivka: Look, I'm sorry you've had a bad day, but...
Health Club Clerk: Please, please say you accept my apology.
Rivka: Fine. I accept your apology. Okay.
Sheesh.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 08:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 08:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 08:32 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:big spammy opinion
From:Re: big spammy opinion
From:Re: big spammy opinion
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:Re: JMO here, a little less grumpy I hope
From:Re: JMO here, a little less grumpy I hope
From:Re: JMO here, a little less grumpy I hope
From:Re: JMO here, a little less grumpy I hope
From:Re: JMO here, a little less grumpy I hope
From:Re: JMO here, a little less grumpy I hope
From:Re: JMO here, a little less grumpy I hope
From:Re: JMO here, a little less grumpy I hope
From:Re: JMO here, a little less grumpy I hope
From:Re: JMO here, a little less grumpy I hope
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:Offering help to the disabled
From:no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 06:38 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 08:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 08:20 am (UTC)They'll let anyone deal wth the public these days.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 08:29 am (UTC)When I was a kid, we were told repeatedly "don't stare"-and it seems to me that she did the equivalent. It's like..."Boundary violation-ten point penalty."
Her behavior really crossed the line and was inappropriate. You weren't being a bitch...you were responding to someone's inappropriate behavior. I hope you spoke to a supervisor/manager about it-bad day or not.
Don't stare
Date: 2004-07-26 11:58 am (UTC)I really wish standard education included a unit on "dealing with others", with some sensitivity training, and also some concept of "one disability does not imply all disabilities".
Re: Don't stare
Date: 2004-07-28 02:14 am (UTC)I've had people come up to me and a friend when we were chatting in sign, and immediately the people start asking my friend about sign language. *Not* me. Pfeh.
One of the better compliments that I got, now that I think about it, was when I'd done some role model speeches for a minority student program. So the coordinator asked me to come the next year, saying that the students had asked for me again since I was "the lady with the blue hair". And not "the deaf lady". (I'd had electric blue extensions in my waist length hair at the time, and was the only disabled speaker)
no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 08:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 08:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 10:21 am (UTC)This is why I feel guilty for being bitchy.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 10:23 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 09:06 am (UTC)She, on the other hand has MLC (Massive Lack of Clueness) and OTTS (Over The Top Syndrome). However, with appropriate treatment and a lot of hard work on her part, one day she may be able to lead a nearly normal life.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 09:34 am (UTC)-J
no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 10:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 10:06 am (UTC)But you already know that no one teaches manners anymore.
B
no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 10:36 am (UTC)She's trying to show how much she *cares* about folks with disabilities by talking about her friend with MS, because, geez, you must notice how she *feels* (Note: *HER* perception is that you must notice how she feels, since it's so obvious... to her. When feelings are huge inside you, it feels like there's a flipping *BILLBOARD* over your head, sometimes), nervous and a little freaked out, and she doesn't want you to think she *dislikes* people who have disabilities, or whatever.
You're definitely not the biggest bitch in the world; you weren't being a bitch at all. (Just in case you weren't completely joking out that.) She was just (I'm guessing) wound tighter than an overwound clockspring over something that you don't have any control over. It's not your fault. It's a shame she's freaked out, but, in the end, that's something she's going to have to deal with on her own.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 10:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 11:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 12:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 12:43 pm (UTC)I've had variations on this kind of conversation. We live in a confessional age, and lots of people don't seem to believe in privacy.
There are a number of things, because of what I do, which people ask me... some (like what kinds of torture I prefer/think work best) get a fairly stock, and more polite/educational/lecturing, than not, answer.
Some get, "That's none of your business." It is amazing to me the number of people who then tell me it is.
Admittedly, at that point they aren't trying to be friendly... but even if they were, that doesn't excuse it.
If she wanted to apologise, she needed to know that it might be painful... she assumed she hurt your feelings (why she thinks her presumption is going to do anything other than annoy/anger you, I've no idea... but then I happen to be a fan of letting people be, and never know what to do about asking after friends disabilities, much less strangers... at Walter Reed it was easy... we had something in common, but outside of that... sheesh) she had to be willing to face those feelings, or just let you walk away.
I'm sorry she had a bad day. I'm sorry her pissing you off made it worse, but she did it. It wasn't your fault she was rude, and it wasn't wrong to tell her so.
TK
no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 04:39 pm (UTC)But I wasn't there, so I suppose I'll just have to take your word for it that you're "the biggest bitch in the world". I'd completely forgotten that you'd had hip-replacement surgery until your Respectful of Otters (http://respectfulofotters.blogspot.com/2004_07_01_respectfulofotters_archive.html#109059992550481088) post on the subject. None of your userpics are of an obviously handicapped person, so my mental picture of you didn't include any sort of disability. Maybe you are in fact "the biggest bitch in the world", and I just didn't realize it.
Or maybe not.
[1] FYI, the Washington Post may or may not be requiring a free registration to get at the Miss Manners archives. I'm registered on their site, so I can't easily tell.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-26 05:07 pm (UTC)You're a very nice person. And very patient.
Not a public resource
Date: 2004-07-27 04:28 pm (UTC)If friends ask, I'll usually answer. When I got together with an old college friend this Spring, after conversation on other subjects, she hesitantly said "Can I ask you a personal question?" When I said yes, she asked me for hints and advice on what to do, and not do, with/for her cousin who has recently been diagnosed with MS. I gave a few; including "Don't panic", the comment that she was doing the right thing by not expecting her cousin to be a general-purpose MS information resource; and not to burden her cousin with having to reassure other people about her disease. She's newly diagnosed, she needs to be reassured, not to have to reassure everyone she knows.
But she knew that it was a somewhat personal question ("somewhat" because she wasn't asking for details of my symptoms, emotions, or coping strategies), and she was prepared to take "no" for an answer.