Dear God...

[rivka]

...please don't let me get hit by a bus or something and taken to the ER today. Not when I've got a big wooden penis model stuck in my purse next to my wallet and appointment book and iPod. And a dental dam.

kthxbai,
Rivka

Comments

[jerusha.livejournal.com]

Well, I personally would vote against that happening on any day :)

That being said, I'm with you that today would be particularly bad...

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

I kind of see it the other way. Getting hit by a bus is always bad, but at least today it would have some amusing aspects ...

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

i <3 you.

[wanderingaengus.livejournal.com]

It looks like it's wooden, but you know that the first time you leave that in your purse by accident while you're going to the airport you're going to find out that it has a metal core.

[trope.livejournal.com]

No, the airport event will be on the day she carries a vaginal speculum in her purse. (Assuming you've not switched to plastic yet, [Unknown site tag]? Some of us are still old skool with the metal specs.)

It does put a little sparkle in the tedious process of going through the high-school security gates, though.

The important question is, what color is the dental dam? Does it match your underwear? My mother always drilled home the "wear clean undies or the ER staff will be appalled," so I can only assume that the dental dam thing is an extension of that. (wink)

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

On the other hand, it might not be a bad day to get stuck in an elevator with some attractive person. You do have condoms and lube, don't you?

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Not in my purse. I have some male and female condoms at home, in a shoebox-sized storage container with birth control pills, a birth control patch, a birth control ring, a diaphragm, spermicidal jelly, a Today sponge (I didn't even know you could still get those), and Plan B.

Do you think that Hypothetical Attractive Person might think that was overkill?

[adrian-turtle.livejournal.com]

That depends. Are you trying to attract a Hypothetical Extremely Cautious Person? It seems like hypothetically appropriate bait. (Or, for hypothetical attraction of extremely cautious people without mixed company, there are other ways to display belt and suspenders.)

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

Certainly a conversation starter. My emergency preparedness kit includes two condoms and an iPod splitter jack.

[mjlayman.livejournal.com]

The Today sponges just went back on the market. I think they're hoping the new generation won't remember the old panic.

[browse.livejournal.com]

Umm, when the kids today talk about someone "sporting wood", that's not really what they mean. Just so you know. :-)

[rivka.livejournal.com]

Crap! I was trying so hard to be hip.

[lerryn.livejournal.com]

I am so glad I didn't have a drink in my hand reading that or it would be all over my keyboard.

[chargirlgenius.livejournal.com]

That mental image turns me 13 again, and I can't think of anything remotely adult to say. :-D

[marykaykare.livejournal.com]

What she said. All I'm doing is snorting and giggling.

MKK

[aquaeri.livejournal.com]

I managed to stay vaguely serious through the main post, but your icon pushed me over the edge.

[namedphoenix.livejournal.com]

baaaahhaa. That's the most hilarious thing, ever.

And no, don't get hit by a bus. And don't do that any day, either.

PS

[namedphoenix.livejournal.com]

Did I ever actually tell you that I friended you? Hello! I love reading your stuff

[edschweppe.livejournal.com]

I would hope Baltimore ER staff would be clueful enough to realize that the only folks wandering around with those wooden penis models are educators. But, yes, not needing to be taken to the ER is a Good Thing.

(Now, if you'd combined the dental dam with a neon-pink strap-on dildo, the hypothetical ER folks might jump to an incorrect assumption about your orientation. Even then, though, they'd give you credit for the dental dam.)

[kcobweb.livejournal.com]

Hee! Been there, done that. :)
(Not hit by a bus though - the other part.)

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

While I have never carried a wooden penis and a dental dam in my purse, I have been hit by a truck. I don't recommend it.

[filkerdave.livejournal.com]

What, nobody's said anything about having a woody yet?

Wow. LJ is slowing down while I'm in Switzerland.

[bosssio.livejournal.com]

When my brother was 13 (I was 17), he had a sex ed class project where he had to bring in condoms to the class (old "condom on a banana" task). My mom bought one of those "family packs" (you know, pack of 50 or something insane) for him.

Unbeknownst to me, after the class, he left the 43 remaining condoms in the truck of my car, which of course were tossed all over.

The next day, I had to open my trunk in front of a guy who had a super crush on me (I was not interested). Along with about 5 or 6 condoms, the following fell onto the ground in front of this guy:

* pair of underpants and bra (we had been to the beach the previous weekend and I had brought a change of clothes I never used)

* a pair of handcuffs (belonged to a friend who wore them as a part of a belt for an abortive Rocky Horror trip)

My reputation CHANGED that day at school.

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

Heeee.

[suzilem.livejournal.com]

Oh lord. You just made me spit all over the keyboard. :-)

[mjlayman.livejournal.com]

I laughed so hard I woke the cats up! Better not to get hit by the bus, though....